Harbinger
by purplepagoda
Summary: This takes place after the 5X24 finale episode. After a rough day full of decisions a friend shows up on Kate's doorstep. A friend with a bottle of alcohol. He shows up ready to listen, and advise. Will his advice lead her in the right direction, or will it spell disaster for Caskett?
1. Unlikely Scenario

She leaves the park feeling more confused than when she arrived. She leaves her boyfriend twisting in the wind. She doesn't give him an answer. It's late, and she's been home for hours. She's in her pajama's when someone starts knocking on her door. She expects it to be Castle, despite telling him that she needed some time to think. She pulls the door open, without checking the peephole. She furrows her brow, as she allows the party on the other side of the door to enter the apartment.

"What are you doing here?" she questions.

He closes the door behind himself, "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay."

"I am fine, Javi."

"What is going on with you?"

"I got offered a job in D.C, with the feds."

"Are you going to take it."

"I want to."

"Then what is stopping you?"

"Castle asked me to marry him."

"Congratulations."

"Don't," she warns.

His face falls, "You told him no? Beckett that is cold."

"I didn't tell him anything, yet. I said that I needed time to think about it."

"What is there to think about? He loves you."

"His life is here."

"You don't want to give up the job?"

"It is an amazing opportunity."

"Why can't you have both?"

"Because I am not going to ask him to uproot his entire life for me. I could never expect him to leave New York. His mother is her. More importantly, Alexis is here. She is his daughter."

"He asked you to marry him. To me that says that he is willing to do whatever it takes to be with you."

"I don't want him to resent me."

"For what?"

"Making him give up his life here."

"Last time I checked, Castle didn't do anything he didn't want to."

"I just don't want to wake up one day, and be married, and realize that we made the wrong choice."

"You think that it is the wrong choice? After everything the two of you have gone through, you think that it is the wrong move?"

"I don't want either of us to have regrets."

"What are you so afraid of?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why are you so afraid to be happy? Why? He loves you. He wants to be with you. He wants to marry you. He has stuck by your side when a lot of guys wouldn't have. Why can't you see that he isn't going to leave you?"

"But I want to leave."

"Do you want out of your relationship?"

"I didn't say that," she argues.

"Then what are you saying?"

"I need a drink," she admits.

"Why do you think I'm holding a paper bag?" he questions.

She looks at his hands. He holds out the bottle to her. She takes it from him.

"What is it?"

"Tequila."

"Tequila? When have you ever seen me drink tequila, Javi?"

"I haven't."

"Why do you think I would start now?"

"Have you heard the saying one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor?"

"Of course."

"By the time you hit the floor you won't be worrying about whether to go to D.C. or not. You will completely forget about whether or not you want to get married. Obviously you can't sleep, since it is almost two o'clock in the morning. So, you can sleep on it, and in the morning you'll be able to make a decision."

"Espo what are you doing here at two o'clock in the morning?"

"I was working on paper work, and I fell asleep. When I woke up it was late. I looked around the room, and I noticed your desk was empty."

"It's two o'clock."

"Let me finish. I kept thinking about the way you acted today. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, before I went home."

"What if I had been asleep?"

"Beckett, please. I know you better than that."

"If you know me better than that why did you bring me tequila?"

"Live a little."

"Fine," she agrees.

* * *

The following morning she wakes up, with a pounding headache. She takes a deep breath, and opens her eyes. The light is blinding. She quickly closes her eyes. She hears the door close. Finally she opens her eyes, and looks around her. She finds herself lying in the middle of her living room, on the floor. She's lying on her chest, and her head is turned to the side. She carefully pushes herself off the floor. Her face peels off the hardwood like a sticker peels off a window. She sits up, and looks around. Then she looks down. She is wearing nothing more than a bra, and her panties. She pushes herself off the floor, and heads into the bathroom.

She stops in the mirror. She catches a glimpse of herself. Her hair is a disaster. Her eyes are bloodshot. She opens the cabinet, and retrieves an aspirin. She swallows it down with a sip of water she collects in a dixie cup, out of the bathroom sink. She turns on the shower, and sheds her remaining layer of clothes.

After a hot shower she dries her hair, and brushes her teeth. She gets dressed, and heads downstairs. She stops in the living room, and assesses the damage. Her pajamas bottoms are on the floor. Her pajama top is draped over a lamp, near the couch. She collects her clothes, and sighs in relief that the mirror is turned off. She looks at the shot glasses on the coffee table. She rolls her eyes. She looks a the bottle of Patron, it's more than halfway empty.

Her head throbs as she approaches the kitchen with the empty shot glasses, and the tequila. She tosses the glasses in the sink. She opens the lid of the tequila bottle. She pours the rest of the alcohol down the drain. She finds her phone on the kitchen counter. She dials a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Espo you sound worse than I feel."

"What's up?"

"What happened last night?"

"I don't remember. I just know I woke up passed out on your couch with no shoes on."

"I gotta go."

"Why?"

She hangs up before she can answer. She claps her hand over her mouth, and runs out of the room. She barely makes it to the bathroom in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet.


	2. Reality Check

When she gets home, it's late. She enters through the front door. She finds that the apartment is dark. She flips on the lamp setting on a table in the entry way. She looks around the room. The place is still filled with unpacked boxes. It's been a month since Castle proposed, and three weeks since she moved to D.C. She places her keys in the bowl sitting next to the lamp.

She walks past the kitchen, through the living room into her bedroom. Once she reaches her bedroom she flips on the light. She begins to undress. She tosses her clothes on the floor. She lays her gun, badge, and phone on the nightstand. She heads over to a basket of clean laundry. She pulls out some pajamas and heads to the bathroom. She stops halfway there as she looks down at her hand.

She looks at the ring on her finger. She slips it off, and places it next to her phone. She takes her watch off, and adds it to the pile. She leaves the room, and heads to the bathroom. She showers, and then falls into bed. She looks at the alarm clock, as she flips off the lamp. The time tells her that she's been up for nineteen hours, which means that her workday lasted seventeen hours and forty five minutes. She pulls the covers over her, and sets the alarm. She closes her eyes, feeling some sense of solace that the following day is Saturday, which happens to be her day off.

She wakes up to the sound of someone banging pots and pans in her kitchen. She rolls over, and looks at the door, which is standing wide open. She groans. She puts the pillow over her head, but it doesn't help.

"What are you doing out there?"

"I flew in from New York in the wee hours of the morning to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

"I got in late last night, I just want to sleep," she hollers.

"Fine," he pokes his head in the door, "I will wait for you to rise to greet the day, sleeping beauty."

"What are you going to do until then?"

"Maybe I will unpack some of your boxes."

"Too noisy."

"I'll be quiet," he vows as he closes the door. She pulls the covers over her head, and prays that she can fall back to sleep. The past weeks have been filled with never ending workdays. She feels exhausted, and guilty. On one hand she just wants to sleep in. On the other hand she wants to spend time with her fiance for the two days he is in town. She feels the strain of trying to make a long distance relationship work, while they try to figure out how to move forward. She feels run down. She takes a deep breath. She smells the aroma of coffee wafting in from her kitchen.

Her stomach does a back flip, but she ignores it. She chalks it up to not having eaten since mid-afternoon the previous day. She shoves the thought out of her mind. She closes her eyes, praying that sleep will find her. She pulls the covers over her head, and closes her eyes. The light pouring in from her window is incredibly bright. She adds a pillow on top of the mountain of covers. Finally she falls asleep.

She feels herself being shaken into consciousness. She pushes away the pillow over her face, and shoves away the covers. She squints at Castle, who sits next to her, on the edge of the bed.

"I though that you were going to let me sleep."

"I did. Kate it's eleven thirty."

"What?" She looks at her alarm clock in disbelief.

"I tried to make you breakfast four hours ago."

"I'm sorry. I guess I didn't realize how tired I was."

"So do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"Why did you let me sleep so long?" she growls.

He furrows his brow, "Because you said that you were tired."

"You are only here for two days, and I've already slept half of the day."

He smiles, "I am sure that you will find some way to make it up to me."

"I thought you were making breakfast."

"I made myself breakfast hours ago, what do you want?"

She shrugs, "Whatever."

"I could make you an omelet."

She grimaces, "No."

"How about some pancakes?"

"Okay."

"I'll make you some pancakes, and you can get dressed."

"Sounds like a plan."

Twenty minutes later she emerges from the bedroom. She has showered, and pulled her hair into a ponytail. She wears a pair of jeans, and a t-shirt. She joins him Castle in the kitchen. She takes a seat on a barstool in front of the counter. He places a plate of pancakes in front of her.

"Thank you," she smiles reaching for the fork that is strategically positioned to the right of her place.

"You want to read the newspaper? I went out and got it this morning."

"Nope. I want to hear about what you have planned for the day."

"Well we were going to go to the farmer's market and get produce, and have a lovely breakfast, but you slept half of the day."

"I'm sorry. I've just been working so much."

"I know," he kisses her temple, "It's okay. I went to the farmer's market by myself."

"I bet that was romantic," she replies with an ornery grin.

"I really felt the love in the air as I purchased a juicy red tomato for..." he pauses for dramatic effect, "myself."

"I'm sorry."

"Eat your food. We have a lot to do."

"What do we have planned for the day?"

"I thought that we would..." he trails off.

"We would what?"

"Now I know that day full of festivities that I have planned is really going to knock your socks off."

"So tell me what it is," she insists.

"You and I are going to unpack all of these boxes."

"Castle!"

"Or we could meet a real estate agent, and go house-hunting."

"House hunting? I just got here."

"Do you like your new job?"

"It's long hours, and hard work."

"So, no?"

"I love ever minute of it."

"Except the part where I'm in New York, and you're here."

She nods, "Yeah, except for that part."

"Which is why I want to go house hunting."

"I told you to move with me."

"Into your one bedroom? I need space. I need a man cave. I need an office to write in."

"You can't get away from me if there is only one bedroom," she argues.

"Why are you making this so difficult?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want to move forward. I want to get married, and move in together. We need a big place with lots of bedrooms."

* * *

_A/N: I would like to thank everyone who reads and reviews. I would also like to point out to anyone who is familiar with my other stories that for the most part I keep characters as true to themselves as possible. I appreciated the feedback. I would just like to remind everyone this is only the second chapter, and the story is just taking shape. I always have a reason if my character seems out of character. So, all I ask is that you hang in a little while longer, before you call in the firing squad. I appreciate the support. _


	3. Different Pages

"Why? Alexis is at Columbia. I don't really foresee her wanting to come to D.C. to visit very often."

"If I am here she will want to come visit."

"So are you going to sell your place in the city?"

"No. How can I? My mother won't leave. I mean I would love to put her out on the street, but..."

She cuts him off, "You wouldn't do that."

"It doesn't mean I haven't thought about it."

"So why do we need extra bedrooms? If you have an office why do we need extra bedrooms? I mean two bedrooms should be fine. You can have the living room for your man cave. If Alexis wants to come visit she can stay in the second bedroom."

"I am sorry, this is all my fault."

"For wanting to live extravagantly?"

"For not expressing all of my thoughts, and desires to you."

"You mean you have more thoughts, and desires than what you express to me?"

"Of course."

"How can one person have so many thoughts?"

He shrugs, "It's a gift."

"What thoughts, or desires are you talking about? Are you going to move someone else into our house? I thought that we agreed you didn't want your mother to live with us."

"I did. She is not going to live with us. She is perfectly content to stay in my apartment in New York. She wouldn't move to D.C. if I paid her."

"So what other explanation do you have?"

"We need rooms for all of the other people in our lives."

"All of the other people in our lives live in New York. They are not going to move in with us. They might visit, and if they do they can stay at a hotel."

"What about the people who aren't in New York?"

"What people?"

"I am sorry that I never told you. I thought that I mentioned it at some point, but obviously I didn't."

"Mention what?"

"My hopes, my dreams."

"Hopes and dreams? What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know how everyone has a picture of what their life will be like when they are an adult, as a child?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Mine was always a white picket fence in the suburbs."

"I never said that we couldn't have that. I am not entirely opposed to moving to the suburbs, or having a white picket fence. I might even let you have a dog."

"A golden retriever. His name would be Boyd."

"Boyd?" she furrows her brow, "Of all the things you could come up with, you would want to name a dog Boyd?"

"I have since the third grade."

"I have a feeling there is a story behind the name Boyd."

"It's me, of course there is a story."

"There is always a story," she rolls her eyes.

"My third grade teacher was one Maggie Boyd. I wanted to marry her. When I realized that she was already married I was a slightly infuriated. I wanted to really stick it to her."

"So you decided to name your future dog after her?"

"No I made up a story that I had a dog. I named him after her."

"You still want a dog named Boyd? Why?"

"It's a solid name."

"So what you're saying is that in your hopes, and dreams we have a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, and a dog named Boyd?"

"That's not all."

"I can live with all of that, please don't add anything."

"Children need bedrooms," he tells her.

"Children? What children? Castle you only have one child."

"You don't want to have one?"

"I never said that I didn't want to have one."

"That is good, because if my plan works out..."

She cuts him off, "What plan? What are you talking about?"

"My five year plan," he responds.

"What five year plan?"

"By this time next year we will be married."

"Okay."

"And then we will work on making my dreams come true."

"Your dream is not to marry me?"

"Oh that is a big part of it."

"So what is the rest of it?"

"Precious little baby Casketts."

"As in more than one?" she cocks an eyebrow.

"I have always wanted to have four kids."

"Four?!"

"It is all part of the five year plan. Within a year we will be married. By the end of the five years my plan will be complete."

"Meaning what?"

"White picket fence, house in the suburbs, married to you. We will have a golden retriever named Boyd, and three little Casketts."

"What?!"

"I guess we have never really discussed having children in length. I always just assumed that you would want them."

"I never said I didn't."

"But the look on your face says something entirely different."

"Because according to your plan we will have three children in the span of four years."

"I know doesn't that sound glorious?"

"No."

"No?"

"Because that is insane. I am not an incubator. I just started a new job."

"You'll be settled in by then."

"Who is going to take care of three kids?"

"Me."

"You? Look you are an amazing father. Alexis is lucky to have you, but there is only one of her."

"So what are you saying? You don't want to have kids?"

"Not three of them. Definitely not three in four years."

"So how many are you talking? You want four?"

"No!"

"Two?"

"I would be happy with one."

"One? What's the fun in that?"

"Finding enough time to devote to one child is enough, don't you think?"

"I have all the time in the world."

"I don't want to have to choose. I don't want to have to feel guilty. I don't want to live with regrets. I certainly don't want to feel resentful about a job that I love. Or, even worse I don't want to resent you, or my children because I have to choose. That isn't fair."


	4. Radioactive Pink

"What does your five year plan look like?"

"In five years we can discuss having a baby."

"You're not getting any younger," he points out.

"You're not getting more patient," she counters.

"I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

She looks him in the eyes, "So why do you sound, so damn, disappointed?"

"Because I know you."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"When you're scared you run. You avoid dealing with things."

"Castle what are you trying to say?"

"In five years you'll ask for another year, or two. When you're finally ready it will be too late."

"I just want to be settled."

"Settled? That is an excuse."

"An excuse?"

"Here is the thing about having a kid, you are never going to be settled enough, or prepared enough. No matter how old you are, or what you do. You just have to go for it. Do you think I had any idea what I was doing with Alexis."

"No."

"Because I didn't. I just figured it out as I went along."

"And?"

"She is amazing. She makes me so proud. I can't imagine not having her. I love being her dad. I love being a dad period."

"I never said we couldn't have a baby."

"You're just saying it is going to be way in the future."

"Is that a deal breaker for you? You're willing to move across state lines for me, but you're not willing to wait until I'm ready to have a baby? We have waited so long. I just can't understand why you can't wait a little longer."

"Because as you already stated, I am not patient."

"I know. I have met you."

"Can't we reach some sort of compromise?" he begs.

"Like what?" she wonders.

"Two years? That is between now, and five years from now."

"Two years?"

"I mean I would be perfectly happy if we had a shotgun wedding..."

She rolls her eyes, "That is so white trash."

"The point is I'm ready," he tells her in a reassuring tone.

"And, I'm not."

"When will you be?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. I can assure you that you will be the first person that I tell when I am."

"I think I should go," he says turning away from her.

"Go? Where?"

"Home."

"Rick why would you go home? We are just having a discussion. You don't have to leave. I want you to be here. I haven't seen you since last weekend. I miss you."

"I don't want to say something that I will regret. I certainly don't want to say something that I can't take back. I think the best thing for me to do is go home, and cool off. I'll see you next weekend," he vows, reaching for his jacket.

She sits at the counter, on her stool, and watches as he walks out the door. She stares at the door, waiting for him to return. He doesn't. She vacates her seat, and carries her plate to the sink. She reaches inside of the pocket of her jeans. She pulls out her phone, and dials his number.

He answers after two rings, "Hello?"

"Come back. We need to talk about this. I want to figure this out."

"Kate I can't. I just need some space. We can talk about this when I come back next weekend."

"Rick..."

"I love you. I'll see you next weekend," he hangs up.

She angrily shoves the phone back into her pocket. She grabs her keys, and leaves the apartment. She hops into her vehicle, with the intention of heading to the airport. She turns on the car, and suddenly is overwhelmed by a feeling of nausea. She pushes the car door open just in time. She climbs out of the vehicle, barely making it to the curb before she loses her breakfast. She remains there, on the side of the street, in front of her car for the next ten minutes, on her hands, and knees. Finally she feeling subsides, and she locks the car doors.

She returns to her apartment, and slams the door. She drops her keys on the kitchen counter, and races towards the bathroom for her toothbrush. She's in the middle of swishing, for the third time, when she gets the overpowering feeling again. She spits the scope into the sink, and spins around. She ends up in front of the toilet. After it's all over she slams the lid of the toilet closed. She slowly rises to her feet, and returns to the sink. She restarts her meticulous oral care routine. Finally she finishes.

She looks at herself in the mirror, as she grips the sink. She tries to choke back the feeling of nausea that threatens to strangle her. She takes several slow deep breaths. She looks in her mirror, and then at her watch. She stares at the date, and then leaves the room. She heads into her bedroom, taking a seat on the end of her bed. She pulls her phone out of her pocket. She unlocks the screen. The date stares up at her.

Half an hour later she is sitting in her bathroom, on the edge of the bathtub. She looks at her watch as she second hands move. Her leg jiggles, nervously as she waits for her fate. She chews on her nail, trying to distract herself. The timer on her phone goes off.

She slowly rises from her seat on the bathtub. She makes her way to the counter. She looks at her phone. It lies, face up, staring at her. She turns the alarm off, and takes a deep breath.

She looks at the evidence lying before her. Answers to her question lie right in front of her. Three answers. They are all the same. The white plastic sticks lie on the bathroom counter with a barrier of a tissue between them, and the cold surface of the countertop. She looks in the mirror for a brief second, but her eyes flit back to the plastic sticks on the counter. They stare up at her, blatantly mocking her. Each one of them stares at her, as if to taunt her. Each one of them glows brightly, with a sign.

She reaches for one of them. She lifts it off the counter, for closer examination. The bright pink plus sign is as plain as day. The bright color might as well be glowing from a source of radiation, for the way that it makes her feel. She stares at the positive test, feeling completely defeated.

"Son of a bitch!" she curses him, alone, in the privacy of her own bathroom.


	5. A Nightmare In A Dream

She storms into the precinct. She finds that the squad room is mostly empty. She makes a beeline for the break room. She finds Esposito making himself a cup of coffee.

"Where is Castle?"

He furrows his brow, "I thought that he was with you," he argues.

Silently she closes the doors to the break room, "He left early."

"Beckett what are you doing here?"

"It's complicated."

"Are you okay?"

"Why couldn't I be?" she questions.

"Your hand is shaking, and you look completely pissed."

"I need to talk to Castle, and he won't pick up his damn phone."

"He is probably at his place."

"No, he's not. I don't know where he is, or where he went."

"I haven't talked to him since this afternoon."

"This afternoon? When?"

"He called to see if I wanted to grab something to eat."

"When?"

"Like one, why? What is going on? Why isn't he in D.C? Why aren't you?"

"We had a disagreement."

"A disagreement that caused both of you to fly to New York?"

"I am here so I can kill him."

"Kill him? Why don't you take a seat, and tell me what's going on," he points to the table in the center of the room.

She pulls out a chair, and takes a seat. He pulls out a chair, and has a seat next to her.

"What was the disagreement about?"

"Did you know that he wants four kids?"

"Yeah," he nods.

"Yeah? You act as if it's common knowledge."

"It is."

"Not to me," her nostrils flare.

"Oh. He told you."

"Yeah."

"And you don't want kids?"

"I never said that," she argues.

"But you definitely don't want to have three of them in four years."

"How do you know about his five year plan, and I don't?"

"Because I listen to him when he talks. You tune him out. That is one of the problems the two of you have. You both talk, a lot, and neither one of you are very good at listening."

"I was angry."

"You know he doesn't expect you to abandon your career."

"I know that."

"Why are you so pissed?"

"I wish that he had told me."

"He did."

"Before today," she clarifies.

"So you guys had a disagreement, and he left?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"So why are you here, and why do you want to kill him?"

"He is ready to have more kids now."

"That doesn't mean that you have to be."

"He is just so persistent. And I..." she trails off.

"You what?"

"I'm not ready."

"Maybe he can push you in the right direction. He is good at that."

"Excuse me?"

"You would never get married, if he weren't the one asking."

"That is probably true."

"While you're here..."

She cuts him off, "If you're going to lecture me about not calling, I'm sorry. I have been really busy with this new job. Don't waste your breath. I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, "No that isn't it."

"What is it?"

"I just wanted to apologize."

"For what?"

"Getting you drunk before you left."

"I needed someone to get me out of my own head. Don't apologize for that."

"That's not why I'm apologizing."

She furrows her brow, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know how to tell you this..."

"Tell me what?"

He shakes his head, making a realization, "You don't remember."

"Remember what? I remember drinking a lot. And then I remember waking up on the floor."

"Yeah," he nods.

"You said you passed out on the couch."

"I did."

"What am I missing?"

* * *

_He opens his eyes, and feels like he's been hit by a truck. He finds himself lying on Beckett's couch, with nothing but his boxers on. He hurries to get dressed, hoping that she doesn't come out of her room, and find him looking like a fool. He slips on his shoes, and heads for the door. He finds her lying on the floor, on her stomach, with nothing but her undergarments on._

* * *

"You woke up, and saw me on the floor? I was on the floor why is that surprising?"

"Kate I think something happened."

"Javi don't be ridiculous nothing happened.

"How sure are you?"

She cocks an eyebrow, "Why?"

* * *

_He watches her as she downs another shot. He sits on the couch, shaking his head, as she hands him another one. _

_"I think I've had enough."_

_"You're going to let a girl out drink you? What will the boys say?"_

_He downs the shot. She swallows hers. She begins to unbutton her shirt. _

_"Beckett what are you doing?"_

_"I'm hot."_

_"Keep your clothes on."_

_She smiles at him. She turns to face him. She peels her shirt off, and throws it at him. He tries to hand it back to her, but she pushes his hand away. _

_"What are you doing?" he questions as she moves closer. _


	6. Not Plausible

"What are you saying?"

"I..." he can't find the words to tell her the truth.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Yeah."

"Javi nothing happened."

"Just because you can't remember doesn't mean that nothing happened."

"Nothing happened," she holds up her hand, "I am getting married."

"I know that."

"I love him."

"I know that, but it doesn't change what happened."

"Nothing happened!" she insists.

"How can you not remember?"

"Remember what?"

* * *

_She straddles him, and begins removing his clothes. He tries to push her off of him._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"What do you think?" she snarls._

_"Kate! Kate stop. What about Castle?"_

_"What about him?"_

_"I thought you were going to tell him yes."_

_She stops what she is doing. She leans forward. She whispers into his ear, "Live a little, Javi."_

_He grabs her by the waist to lift her off of him. He rises from his seat. She wraps her hands around his wrists, as he places her on the floor. _

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Kate this is not a good idea," he insists. _

_She doesn't say anything. She lurches forward, and kisses him._

* * *

"That did not happen," she argues.

"You have no idea how you ended up on the floor, do you?"

"It was the tequila."

"You can't blame everything on the tequila. You can't blame what happened on the alcohol."

"You know how I ended up on the floor?"

"You were trying to make it to your room."

"See, nothing happened."

* * *

_She gets off the couch. He looks at her, in disbelief. She reaches onto the floor, in front of the couch, and grabs her bra. She looks at him. He doesn't say anything. He reaches into the cushion of the couch, and pulls out her panties. He hands them to her. She throws his shorts at him. _

_"I'm going to go take a shower," she slurs her words as she talks._

_He doesn't say anything. He watches her as she slips her bra on. She walks around the coffee table, and realizes that her panties are still in her hand. She stops to put them on. She sways, and wobbles as she pulls them up. She takes a step forward, and trips over his shoe. She lands on the floor._

* * *

"No," she shakes her head, "That did not happen."

"You think I am making this up? How long have I known you?"

"Long enough to know I would never do something like that."

"That is what I thought too."

"I wouldn't do that. I am not that kind of person."

"You are when you drink enough tequila, apparently."

"How much did I have to drink?"

"I stopped counting after six."

"I had six shots?"

He shakes his head, "I said that I stopped counting after six."

"I wouldn't do that to Castle, I don't care how much I had to drink."

"I thought the same thing. Kate I wish it were true. Look I'm not making this up. You need to tell Castle. The last thing that I would want is for things to end between the two of you, because of this."

"Did you tell Lanie?"

"Not yet."

"What are you waiting on?"

"I was waiting on you. After a couple of days I realized that you didn't remember."

She shakes her head, "This cannot be happening."

"I'm sorry."

"I can't..." she tears up.

"Look if you want to pretend like it never happened, I can go along with that, but I think it's wrong. That man wants to be your husband. Do you really want to start off your marriage on a lie?"

"I can't pretend like it never happened."

"But you want to."

"You don't understand," she argues.

"You love Castle. I understand that. I know how badly you must be feeling. I know how bad I feel."

"Not as bad as I do, and not as bad as you're going to."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't fly back to New York because we had a disagreement."

"You said that you wanted to kill him. What did he do?"

"It was what I thought he did, and now I'm not entirely sure that it was his fault."

He furrows his brow, "What do you mean?"

"He just kept going on about how much he wanted another kid. He said he didn't even care if it was a shotgun wedding."

"That is kind of white trash, don't you think?"

"That's what I said."

"And you're a classy..."

She shakes her head, "Not that classy, apparently."

"What?!"

"I have been so tired lately, and I just assumed that it was because of this new job. Then I realized that the hours are not any longer than the ones that I had here."

"And?"

"I was getting ready to leave, and stop Castle at the airport, but I ended up puking on the sidewalk instead."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

_A/N: I appreciate the loyalty of those of you who enjoy this story, and trust that I am going somewhere with it. For those of you who want to stick around to see how this turns out I want to say thank you. For the rest of you, who only want to bash this story, maybe you should just stop reading if you hate it that much. _


	7. The Tip Of The Ice-burg

His eyes widen. He locks in on her facial expression. He swallows hard when he realizes that she's not joking.

"Since when?" he wonders.

She shrugs, "I don't know. I just found out earlier today."

"Maybe you were pregnant before," he suggests.

"Before what?"

"Before you left. Before I came over to your place."

"I certainly hope not."

"Why?"

"I drank so much that I passed out. If I was pregnant before that I'm in trouble. The baby would end up with fetal alcohol syndrome."

"Maybe it happened after that."

"Maybe. I don't know when it happened, for sure. I just know that it did. I couldn't understand how this happened. I mean Castle and I are always so careful, but... now it makes sense."

"So what are you going to do?"

She shakes her head, "I don't know."

"You have to tell him."

"Tell him? How can I tell him? He wants to get married. He wants to move to a house in the suburbs, and get a dog."

"But what do you want?"

"I thought that is what I wanted."

"So then let me ask you this, why did you sabotage your relationship with him? Why do you always sabotage your relationships. I know you're afraid of commitment, but I thought that it was different this time. What happened?"

"It's complicated."

"Complicated? You just threw away years worth of work in one night."

"You were there too."

"I know. I made a mistake too. I wasn't the one who initiated it. How could you hurt him like this?"

"Me? What about you? What about Lanie? What is she going to say?"

"Why do you think that we're on the outs? I told her."

"You told her? You told her before you told me? I thought that you said you didn't tell her."

"I told her, I just I didn't tell her it was you."

"She is going to hate me."

"Why are you trying to blaze a path of self-destruction?"

"Espo you wouldn't understand."

"Kate what is really going on here?"

"Maybe it is better this way," she insists.

"Better what way? What are you talking about?"

"It was never going to work anyway."

"And, you made damn sure of that," he points out.

"I can't have this conversation with you."

"You have to have it with somebody," he reminds her.

"You're right, Javi."

* * *

She finds Castle tucked away at library, reading a book. She takes a seat at the table he is sitting at. She looks across the table at him, feeling consumed by guilt. He looks up from the page he's on.

"What are you doing here?" he asks in a quiet tone.

"I need to talk to you."

"I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to talk."

"Since when?" she responds.

"Kate why are you here?"

"Can we go somewhere?"

"Fine," he agrees.

He follows her out of the library. They end up at his place. Martha is working on a play, and Alexis is studying for a test. It's just the two of them. He heads into the kitchen, and opens the fridge.

"You want anything?"

"Castle sit down," she insists.

He takes a seat on the bar stool next to her. He faces her. He scrutinizes her facial expression.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything," she admits.

"Look I am sorry that I got so angry. I am sorry that I walked away, I just didn't want to ruin everything by saying something stupid, something I can't take back."

"Rick, you don't have to worry about that."

"What do you mean?"

"I already ruined it."

"What?!"

She looks down at the ring on her finger. She twists, until it slips off. She hands it to him. He shakes his head, and refuses to take it from her.

"I don't want that."

"You should take it. I don't deserve it."

"You think that you don't deserve it because of the conversation that we had earlier? Kate you make me happy. If you don't want to have kids I guess that I can learn to live with that."

"That is too much for you to give up."

"I would give up anything for you."

"Why? I am a terrible person."

"Because I love you."

"I never said that I didn't want to have a kid."

"Okay."

"I never said I wouldn't want to have one with you. If I were going to pick anyone it would be you. You are an amazing father. I just don't know if I'm ready."

"That's okay. It is okay to be scared."

"You don't understand."

"So make me understand," he begs.

"After you left I got to thinking."

"Yeah," he nods.

"And then I ended up here, and I couldn't find you. I went to the precinct, hoping you would be there."

"I wasn't."

"And I realized what a horrible person I am."

He tilts his head, and looks at her in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for everyone who is willing to see this through, and actually give the story a chance to develop. I appreciate all of you who have faith in where this is going. _


	8. Hate Me

"You have been making all of the sacrifices in this relationship. I haven't been willing to compromise. I haven't done anything to deserve this ring. I have done nothing to deserve you."

"What makes you say that? Why would you ever think that?"

"Because it's true. When I get scared, or..."

"I know, you run. You hide. Kate I know you."

"I do stupid things," she reveals.

"What did you do?"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?!"

"I'm pregnant," she repeats.

"I heard you. I just don't understand. How does that make you a terrible person? I thought that you said you weren't ready. This is great news. Why would you say that you ruined everything?"

She swallows hard, "Because I did."

"How?"

"I wouldn't know where to start," she admits.

His smile fades. He studies her expression closely, "Oh, you're saying that you don't want a baby, now. You're saying that you're not..." he trails off.

"What?!"

"You don't want to have it? You just started a new job, you moved to a new city, and now isn't the right time?" He jumps to conclusions.

"That is probably all true, but I never said that I wasn't going to have it."

"Then I am lost," he wears a look of utter confusion.

"Castle I just found out, I don't even know what I want to do, yet."

"When did you find out?"

"After you left this morning. I was going to try and stop you from leaving, but I never made it that far. I ended up discarding my breakfast on the sidewalk."

"I'm sorry."

"I was so angry at you. I thought it was your fault. I thought maybe it was all part of your plan. You had said you wouldn't care if we had a shotgun wedding. You said you wanted three kids within five years. I thought maybe that you somehow sabotaged the condoms, or... I don't know what I thought."

"I am not the villain here. I would never intentionally get you pregnant, when I knew you didn't want to be. Do you think that I am that devious? I mean part of me is flattered, and the other part is really offended. You should know me better than that."

"For a second I thought that maybe it was your way of trying to getting me to move back to New York. Things have not been easy for us since I moved to D.C.. I thought it was your way of telling me that you didn't want me to take the job."

"Kate if I didn't want you to take the job I would have told you. I love you. I would never want you to pass up such a big opportunity for me."

"I do know that."

"So why did you think otherwise?"

"I was angry. I was shocked, I still am shocked. I couldn't figure out how this happened. We are always so careful."

"Accidents happen," he insists.

"I am the villain here," she admits.

He furrows his brow, "What?"

"I am the one to blame. All of this is my fault," she reveals.

"So you are the one who sabotaged the birth control? You wanted to get pregnant so that you would have a reason to leave the job, and come home?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Then I don't understand."

"I told you, I did something stupid," she reminds him.

"I do stupid things all of the time. What is your point?"

She shakes her head, "Not like this."

"Like what?"

"When I was at the precinct I saw Javi."

"What does he have to do with any of this?"

"He asked me why I always sabotage my relationships."

"Yeah, why do you do that?"

"I don't know."

"Wait, are you saying that you sabotaged this relationship?"

"I really screwed up. I am so sorry," she begins to explain.

He looks at her. She stares back at him with hazel eyes, and a heavy heart. As she looks at him her eyes well with tears. His heart skips a beat.

"Sorry, for what?" He swallows hard.

"You really want another child, and..." she trails off as the tears threaten to fall.

"And what?"

"I cannot say with one hundred percent certainty that this one is yours."

"What?!" his eyes fall on her, in disbelief.

"Please don't hate me," she begs.

"Kate what are you telling me? What happened?"

"The night that you proposed," she begins.

"What about it?"

"I went home, alone."

"I know. I remember. You said you needed time to decide," he recalls.

"You were very understanding," she adds.

"So you decided to go screw someone else? You were afraid of commitment so you cheated? If you wanted out, if it scared you that much, you should have just asked."

"It wasn't like that," she insists.

"Then, what was it like, then?" He furrows his brow.

"He showed up on my doorstep with a bottle of tequila. He was trying to cheer me up. He was trying to talk me through it."

"Who?"

"Does it matter?"

"Who?!"

"It wasn't his fault."

"He got you liquored up, and then took advantage of you, and it wasn't his fault?"

"I am responsible. I came onto him."

"Who?"

"I am sorry."

"Sorry? You're telling me that you slept with someone else the night that I proposed to you?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you accept? You wanted to have one last fling before you committed to me for the rest of your life? What am I supposed to think?"

"That wasn't it."

"Then why did you accept?"

"I didn't know."

"You didn't know what? You didn't know that you would change your mind? You didn't know what?!"

"I didn't know that I slept with him. I had no clue. I was so drunk I ended up passed out on the living room floor. I didn't remember what happened that night. I still don't remember."

"Who was it?"

"Javi."

"Javi? I can't believe this. How could the two of you do this? Why would you do this?"

The tears stream down her cheeks. "I don't know."

"Kate why would you do this? Why would you sleep with him? Do you love him? If you wanted out, if you didn't want to be with me there were other ways. I really thought that I knew you better than this. Never in a million years did I think you would do something like this. I thought I knew what kind of person you were. I guess it just goes to show that you can never really know someone as well as you think you do."


	9. Nightmare In The Morgue

Lanie enters the autopsy room the following morning. It's early, and she has just returned from a crime scene. She flips on the light, and finds Kate sitting on the end of the autopsy table.

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you," she admits, refusing to meet Lanie's glance.

"I didn't know that you were in town."

"I wasn't planning on being here."

"Then, why are you in my morgue at seven a.m. on a Sunday?"

"I didn't know where else to come. I didn't know who else to talk to," she answers.

"What's on your mind?"

"I had a question."

"Regarding a case?"

"Yeah," she fibs.

"Go ahead," Lanie insists.

"At what point can an amniocentesis be done to determine paternity?"

"That test is usually performed between sixteen, and twenty two weeks. There are other tests that can be done earlier. A chorionic villus sample can be taken at ten weeks. A fetal cell prenatal paternity test can also be performed at ten weeks. Why are you asking?"

"For a case," she flat out lies.

"Really?" Lanie eyes her suspiciously, cocking one eyebrow.

"Yes."

"You came all the way here to ask me that?"

"I came home for other reasons."

"That were not case related?"

"Correct," she nods.

"You could have just called me on the phone," Lanie points out.

"Right."

"Where is your coffee?"

"What coffee?"

"Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Like what?"

"Kate why would you need to know about paternity testing during pregnancy?"

"I just do," trying to wriggle out of the interrogation Lanie is attempting to put her through.

"Is someone that you know pregnant?"

"Yes."

"And they need a prenatal paternity test preformed?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter," Kate insists.

"You're pregnant?" Lanie guesses.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. The guilty look on your face said it for you."

"I just found out."

"When?"

"Yesterday."

"So you haven't been to the doctor to confirm yet?"

"No."

"Wait, why would you need to know about paternity testing?"

"I should go. Coming here was a mistake," Kate vacates her seat on the end of the autopsy table. She heads for the double doors.

"Wait. Where are you going?" Lanie queries as Kate steps past her.

"I..."

"Come back here," Lanie places her hand on Kate's shoulder.

Kate takes a few steps back. She looks at her friend, "What?"

"How far along are you?"

"I don't know for sure. Anything I say would just be a guess."

"If you had to guess," Lanie prods.

"I would prefer not to."

"The baby isn't Castle's?"

"It is complicated."

"How did I not see this? How could I miss this?"

"Miss what?"

"It was you," Lanie shakes her head in disbelief.

"What was me?"

"Javi told me that he slept with someone else. He said it was a mistake. He wouldn't tell me who it was. I didn't understand. He told me that he cheated, it didn't make sense that he didn't say with whom. Now I get it. He would only leave out that detail if he was trying to protect someone. It was you, wasn't it?"

"Lanie I..."

"You what? We have known each other for how long now? And you're going to stand here, in my morgue, look me in the eye, and lie?"

"No."

"Then you need to tell me the truth."

"He came over the night Castle proposed."

"Why?"

"He knew what Castle was planning. He spoke to him after. He knew that I had gone home, alone to think. He came over to give me advice."

"And the two of you ended up having sex?"

"He brought tequila. I don't know what got into me. I don't know why I drank so much."

"So when he came onto you, you gave in?"

"It wasn't like that."

"It wasn't?"

"It was worse," she admits.

"How could it be any worse?"

"Apparently I am the one who came onto him. I am the one who is responsible for all of this."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know."

"And what do you mean, apparently?"

"I don't remember any of it," Kate reveals.

"You were that drunk?"

"I woke up passed out on my living room floor. He wasn't there when I woke up. I had no idea what happened."

"Kate please tell me that this is just a bad nightmare, because none of what you are telling me sounds real. I can't believe either of you would do something like this."

"Lanie, I am so sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't know. Javi told me what happened, yesterday."

"When you were looking for Castle?"

"I was so pissed. We had an argument about having kids. He stormed off. I left the apartment to go after him, and out of nowhere I started puking my guts up. That made me even angrier, because I thought he was to blame. I thought maybe I was pregnant. I thought that maybe it was his fault. What if he did it on purpose?"

"You know him better than that."

"Yeah, I do."

"But then again, I thought that I knew you better than this. I thought that you were my friend."

"I am your friend. Lanie I am sorry."

She shakes her head, "Sorry isn't going to cut it this time. How could you do this? How could you ruin the lives of three other people, and just be okay with it? You betrayed me. What about Castle? I am sure that you have successfully managed to break his heart. And you don't even feel bad about it, do you?"


	10. Move Along

Finally after a couple of weeks Castle has calmed down enough to be able to have a civilized conversation with Esposito. He is the last one to arrive at the restaurant. He takes his seat at the table, and looks at the pair of people sitting with him. He looks at Javier questioningly.

"I thought we were going to meet alone," he comments.

"Lanie insisted on coming when I told her why we were meeting," Javi reveals.

"Why?" Castle wonders.

"Have you heard from her?" Lanie responds.

"No."

"It's been two weeks. That's cold," Javier adds.

"I am really angry at her. I'm really angry at you."

"Not as angry as I am at myself, bro," Javier points out.

"Castle why did you drag us here?" Dr. Parrish queries.

"I have been over everything in my head a thousand times. I was so angry with her. Every time I think about it I get angrier, because none of this makes any sense. Kate wouldn't do something like this."

"People do stupid things sometimes," Espo reminds them, "I think you're just in denial."

"I'm not in denial," Castle points out.

"What are you saying?" Lanie wonders.

"There is something wrong. I know Kate. She would never do this," Castle explains.

"I completely agree."

Javier shoots Lanie a look. He cocks an eyebrow, "You do?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"I was writing, trying to get my mind off of things, but how can I when she is the inspiration for my main character? As I was sitting there typing I realized how out of character this was for her. I could consider that Nikki Heat might do something like this, but she's fictional. Beckett, she would never do anything like this."

"I can't get the way she looked at me, when she told me out of my head. When she left, I almost felt like she was relieved," Lanie adds.

"The two of you care about her, it seems to me like you're just trying to give her a way out of this. There is no way out this time. Neither of us can take back what happened. We can't take back the pain that we caused. We can't reverse the damage. Why are the two of you trying to defend her? There is no defending what she did."

"I am so angry at her. I want to hate her, so badly, but I can't. I hate cheaters. I should hate her, but she's different. She has always been different. She is the one person I can imagine spending the rest of my life with."

Javier shakes his head in disbelief, "How can you imagine that? She betrayed you. I betrayed you. She didn't even think about how this would hurt you. She just threw caution to the wind. Why are you still trying to fight for her? Man lick your wounds and move on."

"I can't. I wish that I could, but she is all that I think about."

"Castle you sound like a love sick fool," Esposito points out.

"You're right. I still love her, even though I don't want to. I don't want to love her. I want to let her go, but I just keep thinking that none of this makes sense. Why would she do something like this?"

"Sometimes there is no reason," Javier tries to steer him away from a path of no return.

"There is always a reason. I don't know what it is, but there is always a reason," he looks at Javier, "Do you know what it is?"

Esposito looks at Lanie, and then at Castle. "No, but it's almost like she is cutting us off. Do you guys feel like she intentionally caused upheaval so that..." he trails off.

Castle cuts her off, "I don't think that it was ever her intention to get pregnant. It is evident to me that getting pregnant was never part of her plan."

Lanie continues with his thought, "She just wanted to make us angry enough that we wouldn't want to be part of her life anymore."

"Yeah, but why? Her behavior the past few months has been so out of character. It's almost as if she's acting like she has nothing to lose," Javi offers.

Lanie looks at Castle as if she's just had a light bulb moment, "Not the past few months. The past couple of years. She never would have started a relationship with you, under normal circumstances. We all saw it, but she refused to. She would never act on it, because she takes her sense of professionalism too seriously. Something changed. Something triggered her to decide that she didn't care anymore."

Esposito nods, "Two years ago? She was shot. Maybe it was just a wake up call."

Castle shakes his head, "No, Lanie is right. Something happened that made her decide to go for what she wanted, because she had nothing left to lose. Lanie can you get her medical records from her hospital stay?"

"I want to help you, but I'm not going to put my license on the line for this."

"What if she's dying?" Castle brings up, seemingly out of nowhere.

"What?!" Javier furrows his brow.

"What if she's dying?" he repeats.

"Don't say something like that unless you have some proof," Javier insists.

"I don't have a license, or a badge to be afraid of losing. I already lost her, so what is left for me to lose if I get caught? I'll find proof."

"Do we even know if she's still pregnant?" Lanie quizzes.

"Do we even know if she's still alive? She hasn't contacted any of us in two weeks," Espo pulls no punches.

"I have to find those records."

* * *

She sits in her D.C. apartment, in the living room surrounded by some unpacked boxes. She stares at an unopened bottle of scotch that sits on her coffee table. Earlier in the day she started unpacking boxes, and found it. Certainly Castle stuck it there, for himself. She shakes her head, as she reaches for her waist. She pulls the gun off her belt, and places it on the table next to the bottle of scotch.

She hasn't heard from anyone important in her life for two weeks. Since returning to D.C. her life has only been about work. It will be easy enough to disappear. It will be easy enough to drink enough scotch to get up the nerve. Not that she even cares for scotch, but then again, these days there are a lot of things that she doesn't care for, in her life. She has little that she wants, and nothing that she needs.

It will be all too easy open the bottle, and jump into it. No amount of scotch can make her forget. Her eyes move from the bottle of alcohol, to the gun. Once she reaches the point of no return she could reach for the one thing that has always been by her side. She'll cock it, and put it to her temple. She won't hesitate. She won't miss. It will be easy.

She can't bear the thought of them finding her there. She refuses to think of their faces, when they realize what she's done. She looks at the gun, and the bottle. Then she looks to her left. Next to the bottle is something else. She reaches for it. She lifts the piece of paper off the table. She stares at it in silence.

She doesn't have enough strength to will away the tears, anymore. She has blinked them away too many times before. They trail down her face as she stares at the black and white image. She wonders how one two dimensional, black and white picture can change so much. How could one mistake change everything, forever? She feels sorry, but not for herself. The guilt eats at her, as she sits there, alone. She traces the outline of the picture. Above the image is her name, and the date. Something, someone who belongs to her.

"I'm sorry," she admits as she looks down at her abdomen, which visually, is unchanged. She puts her hand on her flat stomach. "What have I done?"

She reaches for her phone. She stares at the blank screen trying to decide who to call. She's managed to alienate everyone she cares about. She places the phone in front of her, on the coffee table. She is sitting there, with tears streaming down her face, feeling sorry for herself, all alone, on a Saturday night, when someone knocks on her door. She slowly, and begrudgingly rises from her seat on the couch. She pads to the door in her bare feet. She looks out the peephole. She stares at the figure on the other side in confusion.


	11. Too Late

She opens the door. He stands there with a serious look on his face.

"We need to talk."

"What are you doing here? Castle you shouldn't be here."

"I need to talk to you," he replies with seemingly no emotion.

"I didn't think you would ever want to talk to me again," she admits.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah," she nods.

He enters the apartment, and she closes the door behind him.

"You've been crying. Obviously you are upset," he glances at the coffee table, "What's with the booze, and the gun?"

"I found the bottle when I was unpacking. I just put it there."

"Next to your gun?"

"I was sitting on the couch when I took off my gun."

"You're sure that's all there is to the story?"

"Castle why are you here? Why did you fly all the way out here? You didn't have to come here to make me feel guilty. I feel guilty enough. I know that you hate me. You don't have to come here to talk to me about anything. You don't owe me anything. I have treated you so badly. I can't understand why you would come here," she tries to shift the conversation.

"Why do you always shut me out?" He poses an important question.

"What are you talking about?"

"You never really say what is on your mind. You never let on what is bothering you."

"I did. That is why we are here. Actually it's why you aren't here."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"What are you talking about?"

"The past two weeks all I have been able to think about is you. I couldn't understand why, or how you made the choices that you did. I was so angry. I felt so betrayed. I thought that you loved me."

"I do."

"And yet you sabotaged everything. It makes absolutely no sense."

"I know."

"And I couldn't understand why. Why would you throw away something that we both wanted so much? What would compel you to throw caution to the wind, and ruin everything? You ruined your relationship with me. You killed your relationship with Esposito, and Lanie. And for what? To what end? Then I realized that you were doing what you do best."

"What is that?"

"You were trying to protect us."

"By hurting all of you? Castle I don't know what logic you're using, but what you're saying doesn't make sense."

"Things didn't work out the way you planned."

"Does anything ever go the way that I plan?"

"You wanted to make us all so angry that none of us wanted anything to do with you. You wanted to distance yourself so that it wouldn't hurt so much."

"Castle why are you here? You could have called me on the phone to tell me about your wildly speculative theories. A text message would have been better. I never meant to hurt you. I just chose to act selfishly. I don't want to face you. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you. You shouldn't have come."

"It's not a theory it is the truth. You thought it would work, and it did. Except for one thing that you didn't anticipate. You got pregnant. Now I understand why you said you wanted to wait. It all makes sense now."

"How does any of this make sense to you?"

"I am a writer. It is all about the story."

"Castle!" she raises her voice, "This isn't one of your damn stories. This is my life! You can't make up some wild anecdote to explain why someone would do something so completely reckless, and stupid, and hurtful. You should hate me. You shouldn't be here. You should just let me go. Dammit! Rick, just let me go."

"You're dying," he says flatly.

"What?!"

"You're dying," he confronts her.

"What would make you say that?"

He holds up a manila folder. "I have your medical records."

"What?! How did you get those?"

"It doesn't matter," he insists.

"Why are you doing this? Why can't you just let me go?" She wonders on the verge of tears.

"Kate tell me the truth. I am right, aren't I?"

"Castle please just go."

"You know how persistent, and how stubborn I am. It is one of the things you love, and hate about me. I am not going anywhere until you tell me the truth."

"Two years ago I woke up in the hospital after being shot. I was so grateful to be alive, to have my life back. I knew that I needed to make changes."

"Then what happened?"

"An intern walked into my room, with a nurse, and a neurosurgeon. They told me that they performed an MRI."

"You were shot, that is kind of routine," he points out.

"And they found something."

"A gun shot wound?"

"Other than a gunshot wound. Larger than a bullet hole."

"And more deadly, too," he narrates.

"Do you want me to tell you, or not?"

"Please."

"They found a growth."

"A tumor," he guesses.

"That is what they thought."

"Where?"

"Why are you asking if you have the file?"

"Because I want to hear it from you."

"Or you're bluffing."

"I'm not. Please continue," he begs.

* * *

_She looks at the team of people surrounding her. She blinks unsure what they're doing in her room. _

_"I thought that I was going to be discharged," she points out._

_"Miss Beckett there is something that we need to discuss with you," the intern begins._

_"I thought that I was free to go."_

_"We found something on your MRI," the surgeon reveals._

_"A gun shot wound, I know."_

_"Something else," the surgeon responds._

_"Who are you?"_

_"I am doctor Cline. I am the neurosurgeon."_

_She cocks an eyebrow, "Neurosurgeon? What do I need a neurosurgeon for?"_

_"Miss Beckett is there someone you want us to call?"_

_"Call? I survived being shot. Why do you want to call someone now?"_

_"Ma'am like I said we found something on your MRI," the surgeon continues._

_"Of my shoulder?" _

_"No of your head," the nurse replies._

_"My head? Why did I have an MRI of my head?"_

_"You hit the ground. We wanted to ensure that you didn't have a concussion or any other trauma," the intern explains._

_"Do I? Is that why all of you are here? The last time I checked a concussion didn't warrant a consultation with a neurosurgeon."_

_The nurse intercedes on the behalf of the two men standing with her. "We found a growth. It appears to be a tumor. Judging by its size, and position we feel that it more than likely that it is malignant. We can't know any of that conclusively until we..."_

_Kate cuts her off, "I am not going to have my head split open."_

_"If we are correct there are different types of treatments to shrink the tumor, and give you..." the intern begins._

_"What would be the risks?" Kate queries._

_"Paralysis, loss of function, death, those are the most serious," the nurse answers honestly._

_"And if I don't?"_

_"You could live for months, or even years. We can't really say with certainty until I biopsy the tumor," the surgeon reveals._


	12. From The Edge

"That was two years ago. When the job came up you knew it was the perfect opportunity to distance yourself. You knew you were living on borrowed time, and you wanted to burn some bridges. You thought that it would be easier if you ended things this way. You hoped it wouldn't hurt us as much."

"I am sorry that I didn't tell you."

"You never followed up," he points out.

"I didn't want to know when my expiration date was. I just wanted to live my life until time ran out," she admits.

"You had to find a way to sabotage the relationships that you worked so hard to build. Tearing them apart was much easier than building them. It only took one act. It took one night, and too many shots. You didn't plan for things to go the way that they did. How could you be so cold?"

"It wasn't like that. I didn't plan any of it."

"You didn't plan on getting pregnant. That was never your intention because you would never choose to leave a child behind. You know what it feels like to lose your mother, and you would never want to inflict that kind of pain on someone else."

"You're right."

"So you came back here, and you decided that it would be easier if there were no complications, no loose ends. You knew that you had bought yourself some time, before any of us would reach out to you. You chose not to subject a child to this world without you in it, or at all. The world is cruel, and you know that."

She shakes her head, and walks away from him. He watches her as she reaches for something on the coffee table. She hands him the picture. He stares at it, finally silenced.

"And yet there it is. Despite everything it is still there."

He looks up at her, "You didn't..." he trails off.

"No. That was from yesterday morning."

"Did you get to hear the heartbeat?"

"Why do you think I am such a wreck? I am having a baby who is never going to remember me. I don't know how much time I have, but I know that it isn't enough. I created this nightmare. I created this child, and I am not even going be around to see it grow up."

"Did you tell your employer?"

"Tell them what?"

"About the baby?"

"No."

"Or the brain tumor?"

"No. Why would I?"

"Good."

"Good? How can you possibly think that any of this situation is good?"

"You should have a seat."

"Why?"

"Sit," he points to the barstools underneath her counter, a few feet away from them, in her kitchen.

She follows instructions. He remains standing. He places the manila folder on the counter. He opens it, and points to the image inside.

"It is a picture of my brain tumor," she looks over at him.

"It is a picture of a brain tumor," he corrects her.

"Castle I have seen this picture before. It is the one that they showed me at the hospital."

"Kate I don't know how to tell you this, but there has been a mistake."

"In my life? Castle there have been a lot of mistakes. What I don't understand is why you're here. Why did you come?"

"Because you need me."

"You should hate me," she counters.

"I don't hate you. I..." he begins.

She cuts him off, "Please don't. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."

"You are the one that did that."

"Please," she begs.

"You should have gone for follow up."

"So they could figure out the best way to saw my head open, and perform a procedure that could kill me anyway? Or maybe they could have done chemotherapy that would make me so sick that I wished I was dead."

"You thought that you had nothing to lose. Now you do. You have something to live for."

"I can't do the surgery, or any treatment now."

"I didn't say that you had to."

"Why aren't you angrier? You should be so angry that you never want to see me, or speak to me as long as I live."

"Because you are angry enough for the both of us."

"Castle I don't understand. Why are you here? Are you trying to punish me?"

"I am trying to bring you back."

"Bring me back?"

"From the edge," he clarifies.

"You can't. Castle you can't save me. No one can save me. I am a lost cause. Stop trying to fix this. You can't fix this. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but just stop."

"Kate I know that you think you did something terrible. I know that to me what you did was completely unfathomable. I just need you to listen to me."

"Castle I can't do this. I can't go down this road with you. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have. I made a mistake, and no matter how much I wish that I could take all of it back, I can't. You shouldn't be here. Not now."

"I'm not finished."

"What else could you possibly have to say?"

"Look at the name on bottom of that report."

"K. Beck."

"Exactly."

"Castle it is probably just a typo."

"Is that your birth date?"

"No," she shakes her head, after closely examining the picture.

"Because it isn't your MRI. I talked to the nursing supervisor that was on the floor. She asked if I was there on your behalf. She asked me if you were going to sue the hospital."

"For what?"

"Malpractice."

"What are you going on about?"

"That isn't your MRI. Apparently a technician in the MRI department misfiled the reports. This report belongs to one Kaylee Beck. The two of you were admitted on the same day. Kaylee had been receiving treatment to shrink the tumor, before they could remove it. They did an MRI to view the progress, and discovered it was gone. Six weeks later when she returned for another follow up appointment they found the tumor was still there, and it had grown. After investigation it was determined that there was a mix-up. The hospital chose to sit on the records because Kaylee's family sued the hospital."

"You're trying to cheer me up by telling me a completely ridiculous story that you just made up?"

"I didn't make it up. That is what happened."

"Kaylee Beck? So if I find her, and call her up she is going to tell me that she has a brain tumor, and the records were mixed up?"

"If you call her you're going to need some serious long distance."

"Why?"

"I doubt that she will be able to tell you anything."

"Why not?"

"Because Kaylee Beck is dead."


	13. Inexcusable

She shakes her head. Her hazel eyes fixate on his face. She stares into his deep blue eyes. Her hearts skips a beat. She wants so badly to believe him. The voice inside her head reminds him he is a best selling author. He is a best selling author that she was engaged to. There is no doubt in her mind that he loved her at one point, and that he just wants her to be happy. Grief causes people to take drastic measures. Maybe what he is trying to tell her is all just a ploy. A way to make it all okay. He, no doubt, always wanted to fix things. She exhales.

"I don't believe you."

"I knew that you wouldn't," he points to the manila folder, "So finish going through that file."

She looks down at the manila folder lying in front of her, on her counter. She removes the first sheet of paper. She stares blankly at a consult report. She keeps flipping until she finds a death certificate. She stares at the name, and the dates. She flips to the final page. She is faced with a picture of a headstone. She closes the file, and looks up at him.

"Why are you doing this?"

"I already told you."

"Castle how am I supposed to believe any of this? This is a tall tale. This girl was only twenty eight years old. How do I know that you didn't just go through death certificates until you found someone who would complete your story?"

"If you don't believe me then you should have another MRI."

"To what end? I don't want some doctor to tell me that I only have a few months, or even less. I don't want to hear that."

"What if I am right? Would that be the end of the world?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Yes? Why?"

"I have done irreparable damage to our relationship. I doubt that Lanie will ever speak to me again. And Espo is caught up somewhere in the middle. He was an innocent bystander, and I used him."

"And you may be pregnant with his child, right?"

"Yes," she grits her teeth.

"Having a brain tumor would give you an excuse to act carelessly, right? If you don't have one what was your excuse? What happened to your impulse control?"

"Castle there is no worthy excuse for what I did."

"You could blame it on the alcohol, but I have seen you drink. I have never seen you come even close to losing control."

She swallows hard, "Rick," she makes eye contact. Her facial expression is solemn as she attempts to explain, "I was scared."

"Of what? You were afraid you were making a mistake with me, so you consciously decided to sabotage our relationship?"

"No. It wasn't a conscious decision. It wasn't even a decision that I remember making."

"Then what were you afraid of? Were you afraid that I was going to leave you; because I wasn't."

"I was afraid that everything would go the way that you planned."

"Why would you be afraid of that?"

"Because it wouldn't be fair. You fought so hard for this relationship. You waited for so long, and we both know that patience is not one of your virtues. It wouldn't be fair to you to have me, just to lose me. We were engaged. We would have ended up married. I would have moved to the suburbs with you. You would still be holding onto that dream, and then maybe after a few months, or a few years the tumor would grow so large that I would be incapacitated. You would have to take care of me. Maybe, I would die in my sleep, or maybe I would go into convulsions, and die a horrible death. None of that seems fair. You deserve happily ever after," the tears well up in her eyes, "You are a good man, and you deserve that. You deserve so much more than me. I am an incredibly flawed, selfish individual."

"You deserve more."

"No I don't," she argues, her face turning red.

"You really think that you don't deserve it?"

A single tear falls from her eye, and begins to roll down her cheek, "I slept with Javi. He is a friend, and a colleague. He is like a brother to me. Just the thought of what happened that night makes me feel sick. What I did is a complete betrayal to you. I ruined relationships, and lives, all in one night. I don't deserve to be happy. I am broken, and I'm flawed. I am thoughtless. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone."

"You know what bothers me about the whole thing?"

She shrugs, "What?"

"Have you ever in your entire life been so drunk that you don't remember what happened?"

"What are you getting at?"

"How do we know that Espo was telling the truth?"

She cocks an eyebrow, and shoots him an_, are you serious_, look. "What motive would he have to lie? Why would he lie about that? What he said happened ended his relationship with Lanie. What happened ended our relationship, too. Castle this isn't another one of your stories where you can just explain away human behavior with some half-assed theory."

"But something isn't right."

"You being here, that isn't right. Castle you shouldn't be here. This whole situation is unfair to you. You deserve more. You need to move on."

"I know Javier. I have known him as long as I have known you. If you thought that you had a brain tumor, and somehow you were trying to sever ties I might consider that you would do something so stupid, and reckless. He wouldn't. He is loyal to a fault. He wouldn't violate bro-code, and he certainly wouldn't violate you."

"Why are you are making excuse for why this happened? There is no excuse. Two grown adults chose to drink too much. We made bad decisions. There are not enough excuses in the world to make what we did okay."

"Okay so for a second let's say that I buy Javier was bent to your will. Let's just pretend that you threw yourself at him, and he couldn't fight you off. Never in a million years would one of you not stop to consider using protection."

"Maybe we did, and it didn't work."

"Did you find any evidence to support that? I mean you did just move. I assume that you cleaned before you moved. I am willing to bet that you removed the couch cushions, and vacuumed."

"Yeah."

"And what did you find?"

"Some loose change, and some stale Certs."

"Who still uses Certs?"

"Why are you worried about the stale breath mints?"

"I'm not. I am worried about you."

"Don't be."

"How can I not be? Your entire world is upside down right now."

"I'll figure it out."

"Will you please go have another MRI?"

"I already scheduled one," she admits.

"You did?"

"I need to know how long I've got. I am going to have a baby. I have to have a plan of action."

"So when is the appointment?"

"About seven weeks from now."

"What? Why are you waiting so long? You are the most impatient person that I know."

"Because they don't like to perform them during the first trimester, despite the fact that there is no evidence of adverse effects. It is just so that they can cover their asses."


	14. Interrogation

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," she nods in agreement.

"Why are you still wearing the ring?" his glance falls on her left ring finger.

She stares at him with a look of guilt written across her face, "Because I couldn't bring myself to take it off."

"You are still holding out hope that this will all work out."

"How can any of this work? I betrayed you. I am pregnant, and I am fairly certain that the baby isn't yours."

"So why are you still wearing the ring?"

She looks up at him with hazel eyes, and a heavy heart. She presses her hand to his chest. She breaks eye contact, and answers candidly, "Because I still love you."

"I know. Why do you think that I am here?"

"To reek havoc on my life. Castle you do know that this isn't a case? You can't use a story to explain everything."

"Just because I have a theory doesn't mean that I'm not right."

"In the past you have been right with some of your theories, but you have been wrong way more than you've been right."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What are you going to tell her?"

"Tell who?"

"Your daughter."

"My what? Castle it's way too early for me to know what I'm having."

"I know these things. I am never wrong. Trust me on this. Tell me, what are you going to tell her?"

"I will more than likely be dead, so I am not going to tell her anything."

"Hypothetically."

"The truth. I would tell her the truth."

"What if she hates you for it?"

"She can go live with her dad," she tries to make light of the situation.

"Can you imagine Esposito as a father?"

"No."

"Neither can I."

"As much as I don't even want to consider it a possibility, I have no choice."

"You want me to go?"

"You don't have to, it's late."

"You miss me," he realizes.

"Maybe."

"Kate make up your mind do you want me in your life, or not. I don't want you to think about all the possible outcomes. Just tell me do you want me here, or not?"

"Yes."

* * *

Javier enters the room. Castle closes the door behind him. Esposito folds his arms across his chest.

"Why are we in here?"

"Have a seat," Rick points to the chair on the other side of the table.

"Look I know that you hate me right now, but if you are going to do something stupid you should pick a room with less cameras."

"I brought you in here for a reason."

"What is that reason?"

"Have a seat," Castle once again points to the chair.

Espo nods, and walks around to the other side of the table. Rick takes a seat on the chair closest to the door.

"Man, you want to explain to me why we are in the interrogation room?"

"I am going to interrogate you," Castle explains.

He cracks a smile, "Interrogate me, about what?"

"What happened that night."

"I already told you. You know what happened."

"I just have a few questions.

"You have asked me the same questions over, and over again."

"Why did you go over there?"

"She was my partner. I just wanted to make sure that she was okay."

"Why did you bring the tequila?"

"I just wanted her to get out of her own head for a little bit. She is so logical all the time, and love is completely illogical."

"You didn't know that I was going to propose. I never told you that."

"I never said that I did."

"Kate told Lanie that you knew. How could you know?"

"I just had a feeling."

"I don't buy it. What really happened that night? Why did really go over there? Why did you really take that bottle of tequila? What was your plan?"

"I was just trying to be a good friend," he insists.

"I don't buy it," Rick raises his voice.

The door to the interrogation room flies open. Ryan enters the room, with nostrils flaring.

"What the hell are you two doing? We are supposed to be on our way to pick up a suspect. Gates is up my ass because I'm still here. How am I supposed to explain to her that the two of you are in here playing good cop, bad cop? I mean Castle, you're not even a cop."

"I know."

Ryan furrows his brow, "So why is Espo on that side of the table?"

Javier shakes his head, "Because I am the one being questioned."

"About what?"

"Close the door," Rick replies.

Javi shakes his head, "Castle don't tell him."

"Ryan your partner is a cheating S.O.B., and that is all you really need to know."

"Castle what are you talking about?" Ryan wonders.

"Haven't you noticed how awkward things have been around here lately?" Castle doesn't miss a beat.

"Yeah, but as per usual I am the last one to know anything."

"He and Lanie are on the outs," Rick adds.

"And by the fact that you are in here trying to interrogate him, which is completely laughable, because he is former special forces, I am guessing that the two of you have beef with each other."

Castle turns and looks at Javier in disappointment, "Detective Esposito tell your partner what you did, or I will."

"No," Espo shakes his head.

"Do you want Gates to come in here, and kick our asses? Bro just tell me so that we can get out of here, and pick up our suspect," Ryan suggests.

"I slept with Beckett."

"What?! No. That violates everything that either one of them stands for," he looks at Castle.

"Thank you Ryan, I completely agree. It does not change the fact that according to them it did happen."


	15. Conspiracy Theory

He sits in his kitchen, with his elbow on the counter. He rests on a stool that is placed under the counter of the island. His head rests on the palm of his hand, and his fingers rest on his cheek. He is leaning forward in the chair. He doesn't register anything coming from the mouth of the person sitting next to him.

"Dad?"

He looks over at her, with a seriously pained expression, "I'm sorry, what?"

"You need to start talking."

"What did you want to talk about?"

"You have been staring off in space for the past hour. What gives?"

"Alexis I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't want to talk about it? You don't want to talk about anything. You sit here, staring off into space, clearly deep in thought. You don't write you don't do much of anything. The only time you leave the house it to work on a case with Ryan, and Esposito."

"What are you accusing me of here?"

"Who said that I was accusing you of anything?"

"The tone of your voice," he quips.

"Why are you so miserable?"

"You know why."

"How could I possibly know why? I might have a couple of guesses, but they are all purely speculation, because you won't talk about it. Dad, I'm worried about you."

"Don't be."

"Why haven't I heard from Beckett?"

"I am sure that she is busy with her new job."

"What happened between the two of you?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"All I know is that something happened, that you refuse to talk about with me, or gram. I haven't heard you mention her in weeks. She moved to DC over three months ago. I haven't even heard you mention her name in more than two. What was so bad that you can't forgive her?"

"It seems that she is the one who can't forgive herself."

"Why not?"

"It is all very complicated."

"So tell me. What happened?"

"You look up to her, and I don't want to take that away from you."

Alexis furrows her brow, "What could she have done that would change my mind about her?"

"You don't want to know," he insists.

"Tell me anyway."

"You really don't need to know the details," he argues.

"Dad! If you don't tell me I will just ask her."

"What are you going to do fly to D.C. and show up on her doorstep?"

"I don't see why not. It is pretty clear that you miss her, and maybe I miss her too."

"She betrayed my trust."

"I am sure that she didn't mean to."

"She knew what she was doing," he argues.

"So tell me. What did she do that was so terrible? Did she kill someone?"

"No, that I could forgive her for."

"So what?"

"She cheated," he answers.

"Cheated? No, not Beckett. That is something you would do."

He flares his nostrils, and shakes his head in disbelief, "Thank you for your vote of confidence."

"I didn't mean it like that."

"So what did you mean?"

"I know Beckett. She is not that kind of person. She is loyal, she would never do that. It wouldn't matter what the circumstances were she would never do that to you. She loves you."

"Alexis at your age the world is not as complicated."

"Dad this is simple. I am telling you she would never, ever cheat on you. You are the only person in the world that she wants to be with. Why would she throw all of that away?"

He swallows hard, "Alexis, I wish that I knew."

"You really think that she would cheat on you?"

"No, but it doesn't change the fact that she did."

"With whom?"

"That isn't important."

"All of it is important to you, so it is important to me, too."

"Esposito."

"Whoa! No," She shakes her head in disbelief, "Dad something is wrong here. I know him, too. He is a good guy. He would never do that to the two of you."

"The worst part about humanity is the freewill. There doesn't have to be a rhyme or reason for people to choose to do completely stupid, out of character things."

"What if there was?"

He cocks his eyebrow, and stares at his young, innocent, naive daughter, "What do you mean?"

"What if there was a reason. What if it isn't what you think it is?"

"Life rarely is what one thinks it is."

"This is where you're supposed to tell me that I'm right, and come up with some conspiracy theory."

"There is no conspiracy theory here, Alexis."

"Let's just for a minute treat this like a homicide."

"No one died."

"Someone murdered your relationship with Beckett."

"Okay, I'm listening, go on."

"Detective Esposito is the one who pulled the metaphorical trigger."

"Really?!" He wears a look of disgust.

"I apologize that was a poor choice of words, but you catch my drift."

"Yes," he confirms, "I follow so far."

"What was his motivation?"

"He is a man there was alcohol, and one thing led to another."

"Do you not see a huge red flag there?"

He shrugs, "People do stupid things when they drink alcohol."

"Why were they drinking alone? Where were you?"

"I was here. She was at her place."

"He showed up at her place with booze?"

"Yeah, why?"

"He wouldn't do that. I don't care what was going on, he wouldn't. There is etiquette when two people are in a relationship."


	16. Sweet Dreams

"I agree, but apparently some people don't."

"All I am saying is that I know neither one of you would ever cheat."

"That isn't what you just said," he points out.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant I would believe that you cheated, before I would believe that she did. You have been loyal to her without a fault, and I don't think that you're capable of doing something like that. Dad, I have total faith in you."

"I would never do something like that. You know that. We're not talking about me, though."

"Right. Esposito knew that Kate would feel guilty. He knew that eventually you, and Lanie would both find out. Why would he sabotage both relationships for one night?"

"Kate doesn't remember," he adds.

"What?! That can't be true."

"Why not?"

"Something she told me once."

"Know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em?"

"First of all she said that she had never been drunk enough to do something she couldn't remember. In the same conversation she also said to always walk away with your clothes on so that you don't do something you will regret later."

"It is great advice, but it doesn't mean that she followed it."

"Are you sure there is no conspiracy here?"

"I can't come up with anything that explains all of it, but I would love to hear your theory."

"Let's just say that someone wanted to sabotage your relationship with Beckett. Obviously this is one of the only ways to do it."

"Who?"

"Shh! Don't ruin my story with your logic."

"Sorry."

"Someone wanted to get you away from her so that they could get closer to her, maybe. They looked for a pawn who was close to home. Whoever planned this wanted to cause upheaval. You are strongest working as a team. If you break up the team maybe none of you will be able to put the pieces together in time," she explains.

"But, why would 'Sito ever agree to any of it?"

"Because he was threatened."

"He doesn't intimidate easily."

"Physical pain doesn't scare him. His weakness is the people he cares about. If someone threatened to hurt them, or to kill them, he would bend to their will."

"I don't know," he expresses doubt.

"Maybe Beckett can't remember because it never happened. Maybe he wanted to think the blackmailer to think that he went through with it. Obviously the two of you aren't together anymore, so they probably believe their plan worked. What they didn't count on, is that Esposito is a stand up guy. He would never violate your trust. He wouldn't betray you, or Beckett like that. He thought if he could get her drunk enough that he could convince her something happened. That is the only way the plan would ever work."

"Alexis I have to admit that this is a rather brilliant theory. I mean it would be one devious plot, but it's all about the details, and you're missing quite a few."

"For example?"

"Who would have motive to do this?"

"Good question."

"And for what reason?"

"She knows too much."

"Kate knows too much? You think her life is in danger?"

Alexis shrugs, "Maybe."

* * *

She sits in her dining area, at the table. The light hanging from the ceiling illuminates the papers in front of her. Two sealed envelopes sit before her. She looks at the phone sitting on the table to her right. She scoots her chair back, and takes a deep breath.

She looks down at her stomach. Her blue button down shirt is un-tucked. It hides the slowly growing bump that is beginning to form. She has yet to tell her employer, or her new partner. She stares at the ring that is still on her finger. The diamond in the center of the ring sparkles as the light from the chandelier hits it. She refuses to take it off, though she is certain that there is no repairing her relationship with Castle. There is no going back, no fixing things this time. She can't change what happened. She can only mourn the loss of what they had, what they could have had.

She unlocks her phone, and hits number one on her speed dial. His picture pops up. She looks at his face, wracked with guilt. She misses him so much that it hurts. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, in bed, alone it takes her a few seconds before she realizes why he isn't there, beside her. Each night before going to sleep she prays that she will wake up with him next to her. She wishes that all of this could be an awful nightmare, so she could wake up to a different reality. She vacates her seat, and heads to her room.

She ditches her clothes in a pile, on the floor. She showers, and throws on some clothes. She finds herself wearing his t-shirt. She climbs into bed, and closes her eyes. She doesn't set her alarm clock, as it is Friday night. She flips off her lamp, and closes her eyes.

* * *

_She wakes up to the sound of snoring. She refuses to open her eyes, knowing it is all a dream. She can feel his arms snaked around her. She can feel the warmth of his body as he lies next to her, underneath the sheets. She can smell the scent of his man moisturizer. She doesn't want to open her eyes, praying that the dream won't end abruptly as it always does. _

_ Finally she elicits enough courage to open her eyes. As she opens them the sunlight from the window across the room pours in. She looks down, and sees an arm wrapped around her waist. Fingers rest against her abdomen. She rolls over, still underneath his arm. She stares at his face in silence. He isn't clean shaven. He looks scruffy, it is obvious he hasn't shaved in a couple of days. He looks peaceful as he sleeps, despite the intermittent snoring. _

_ She presses her hand against his chest. He doesn't threaten to move. The tips of her fingers rest on his chest, feeling the beating of his heart underneath his ribcage. She moves her hand, slowly reaching upward. She stops when she reaches his face. She presses her hand against his cheek. The bottom of her hand rest on his jaw line. She leans in close, and presses her lips to his. _

_ She feels a sense of peace come over her as his warm lips press against hers. She feels her pulse quicken, knowing that this dream will soon screech to a halt. After a few seconds she recoils. She scrutinizes his face, waiting for him to disappear into thin air. _

_"Don't stop," he whispers. He places his hand, strategically against the small of her back. He pulls her closer to him. Her bare leg presses against the cloth of his silk boxers. Her toes touch his bare leg. She reaches for his arm. She finds the meatiest spot that she can, and she pinches him. He opens his eyes, and stares at her in bewilderment. _

_"That was uncalled for."_

_"You're not supposed to talk this is a dream."_

_"In your dreams I'm silent?"_

_"That isn't the point."_

_"No, you're right. The point, quite obviously is that you still dream about me, despite the fact that we aren't together anymore."_


	17. Wake Me Up

The sound of someone banging on her door jolts her from her alternate reality. She opens her eyes, and pushes aside her bedclothes. She scurries to the door in a t-shirt, with her bare feet smacking against the hardwood floor. She looks out the peephole, and groans. She unlatches the door, and unhooks the chain. She pulls the door open, and looks at him.

"Castle what are you doing here?"

"You know I asked myself the complete opposite question last night. I couldn't stop asking myself why I wasn't here."

"I think that we both know the answer to that."

"I had to come see you. There is something that I wanted to run by you."

"Castle it is six thirty in the morning, on a Saturday. You shouldn't be here."

"I needed to talk to you."

"About what? Look, Castle if this is about the baby... we can talk about that, but I don't think that now is the time. You could have called."

"That isn't really what I am here to talk about."

"I know that you will want to be involved if..."

He cuts her off, "Kate can I come in?"

She nods, "Yeah, I guess."

She takes a step back, and allows him to enter the apartment. He closes the door behind himself.

"There is something we need to talk about."

"It's really early," she points out.

"Would you like me to make you some coffee?"

"You're welcome to have some," she answers.

"You don't want any?"

"I haven't drank any coffee in months," she admits, "but I will gladly make you some."

"I would appreciate that."

She heads into the kitchen. He follows her, leaning against the counter as she begins to make a pot of coffee.

"I want to talk about what happened with you, and Esposito."

"I don't want to rehash this. Castle why do you have to make this so damn complicated?"

"You are the one who did that, or at least you think that you are."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What with the envelopes sitting on your dining room table?" he changes the subject, sensing her apprehension.

She closes the lid of the coffee maker, and turns to look at him, "They're test results."

"Your test results?"

"Yeah."

"How long have they been sitting there?"

"The MRI is from yesterday."

"And the other?"

"The DNA test is from about three weeks ago."

"Why is it still sitting there unopened?"

"Because I haven't been able to muster up enough courage to open it."

"I'm here for moral support."

"But, that isn't the only reason that you're here, is it?"

"You know that I always have ulterior motives."

"Yes," she confirms.

He looks at her, standing in the kitchen, in front of the coffee maker, wearing his t-shirt. He smiles, "I see that you're wearing my shirt."

"Yeah."

"I am going to need that back, so if you would be kind enough to take it off I would really appreciate it."

She ignores his suggestive comment, and chooses to cut to the chase, "Rick what are you doing here?"

"I told you I want to talk about what happened between..."

She cuts him off, "And I told you I didn't."

"Then maybe you should open those envelopes first. Why are you putting it off?"

"Because maybe I'm a little bit scared what the results might say. It is entirely possible that I didn't want to be alone when I opened them, but I couldn't..." she trails off.

"You could have called. You can always call."

"You're here now, so you're right, I should open them."

"Okay," he stretches his hand towards the table.

They find themselves parked at her dining table a few moments later. She sits at one end of the table. He sits right next to her. She stares at the envelopes. She pushes the envelopes across the table to him.

"You want me to read them?" he quizzes.

"Yes," she nods in confirmation.

"Which one do you want me to read first?"

"The MRI."

"Maybe it is best if you don't know the paternity."

"What would make you say that?"

"Will either result make you love the baby any less? Will either one of them make you want her any less?"

"No."

"But it might make you like yourself less?"

She nods, hating that he knows her so well. Despite her best attempts to hide her true feelings, he can read her, without a single word coming from her mouth.

He opens the first envelope. He pulls out the papers inside. He looks at the scan, and then at the consult report. He smiles, and hands it to her.

"I was right."

"I know. After you left I spoke to the hospital, and to Kaylee's family."

"You're not dying. You do not have a brain tumor. The hospital never contacted you, because they thought you might not sue them if you didn't know."

"Which makes me feel like an even shittier human being."

He tears the next envelope open. He reads the results to himself. He looks over at her, but doesn't offer her the piece of paper.

"How do you want this to turn out?"

"I want this all to be a dream."

"I assure you that it's not."

"I know, I have the ultrasound pictures to prove it. Just tell me what it says."

"You're sure?"

"Just tell me!" she insists.


	18. Paternity

"You know what else this report tells me?"

She shrugs, "That you hate me?"

"I never said that I hate you."

"So what does the report tell you?"

"Gender."

"Oh."

"Do you want to know?"

"No. Just tell me what the paternity results are," Kate insists.

"That the candidate is without a doubt the father."

She furrows her brow, "What?! You're sure?"

He re-reads the results, "Yes."

"You're certain?" she questions.

"You sound surprised. Why do you sound surprised?" He wonders.

"I was just so sure," she responds.

"I only see one candidate for paternity here," he points out.

"I know."

"So who is the sample from? Esposito. It is from him, isn't it? It's his baby? You never took a sample from me."

"I still have your toothbrush," she reminds him.

He furrows his brow, "What?"

"The sample I sent was from your toothbrush."

"So you're saying that the baby is mine?"

"If it confirms paternity, yes."

"This is great news. This just proves that my theory is right."

"What theory?"

"Actually it is Alexis' theory."

"Theory about what?"

"She thinks someone wanted to break up our relationship. Somebody wanted to get me out of the picture. They used 'Sito's weaknesses against him. They blackmailed him. It explains everything. It explains why he showed up at your place with a bottle of tequila. It explains why you can't actually remember sleeping with him. All of it makes sense."

"What are you saying?"

"I think the reason you can't remember sleeping with Esposito is because you didn't. He was supposed to seduce you. It was part of the plan to end our relationship. He couldn't go through with it. He couldn't betray us like that, but he had to find away to hold up his end of the bargain so his loved ones wouldn't be taken away from him. He had to convince the blackmailer that he did sleep with you."

"The blackmailer? Who would do that, and why?"

"I don't know who. The why, is that we are stronger as a team than we are apart."

"So?"

"Someone wants you to be vulnerable. They don't want you to find out your secret. Someone close to you."

"Who?"

He shrugs, "I don't know, but it has to be someone here."

"Do you have any idea how unrealistic your theory is?"

"Why don't we pretend for just a moment that there is no conspiracy?"

"I won't be pretending," she answers, dryly.

"Maybe I can believe that somehow you, and Javier both had a change in character long enough to have a brief sexual encounter. That is rather unbelievable, but for argument's sake we will just say I do believe it. For Esposito's part of the plan to work he would have to convince you something happened. The easiest way would have been for him to leave a used condom, but he didn't. Which to me says nothing happened. I know that, because both of your are intelligent adults. You are cops, and you wouldn't go into a gun fight without a bullet proof vest. One of you would have insisted. I know you, also on another note I would like to point out that I know when the baby was conceived."

"How?"

"It was the same way that I knew you were mine. The night after I proposed, when you told me that you would marry me, do you remember that night?"

"The night after the alleged encounter with Esposito?"

"Yes."

"What about it?"

"We didn't make it to my bedroom."

"Your mother was out of town," Kate recalls.

"Alexis was studying for an exam."

"We barely even made it to the couch," she remembers.

"I don't even know if I locked the door."

"I did," she admits, "and chained it too."

"It was how I knew that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me."

"Because I locked the door?"

"Because you didn't."

She furrows her brow, "Huh?"

"You remember we were on the couch, and I had one hand digging around in the cushion of the couch."

"Yeah."

"You knew what I was digging for."

"Your strategically placed stash of condoms. Castle it's not the first time that we haven't made it to your room. It certainly wasn't the first time that we only made it to the living room."

"What did you do?"

"I think that is when we ended up on the floor."

"It is."

"You didn't..." she realizes.

"No, and you knew it."

"You're right," she admits.

"I often am."

"Can I see that?" she questions, pointing to the piece of paper in his hand.

He holds it out for her to see, but covers the top portion of the paper.

"Why are you covering that part of the paper up?"

"The results are down here," he shows her.

"I can see that. Why are you covering other portion covered up?" she slides the piece of paper out of his hand. She looks at the top of the paper, and then looks at him, "Oh."

"You just told me you didn't want to know."

"I guess that it is too late now."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that I might be right about my theory?"

"Who would want to end our relationship?"

"A criminal out for revenge."

"Javi would never agree under those circumstances."

"Someone powerful. Someone capable of carrying out a threat."

"Someone with a secret," she adds, finding herself getting caught up in his story.


	19. Proof In The Pudding

"Someone you wouldn't expect," he adds.

"Castle this is great, in theory, but you have no proof."

"I am so glad that you brought up the burden of proof. I have known you long enough to know that you would demand proof. Luckily for you there is evidence of the crime."

"What evidence?" she responds, skeptically.

He places his phone on the table. He cues the phone, and plays the recording. She listens carefully to the previously recorded conversation.

* * *

_Javier stands in front of Johanna Beckett's head stone. He places flowers on her grave. He hears footsteps, and looks up at the person approaching him._

_"I still don't understand why you wanted to meet me here."_

_"There are no cameras here. We can have privacy."_

_"I don't understand why you wanted to meet me at all."_

_"Because, detective Esposito I need you to do me a favor."_

_"Why would I do you a favor? I don't even know you. You're taking my partner away from me. I certainly do not owe you anything."_

_"Let me put it this way, if you don't do what I ask I will make it hurt."_

_"Are you threatening me?"_

_"I am just trying to offer some incentive."_

_Javier nods, "Incentive to do what?"_

_"Drive a wedge between Beckett, and Castle."_

_"What would ever possess me to do that?"_

_"I know that you are not afraid of bodily harm. You aren't scared of pain. You would lay down your life for your partner, for Beckett, even for Castle. You are dedicated to your country, and you would even offer your life for a principle. I know that. I am not threatening your life. I just want you to know that if you don't go through with what I am asking I will make sure that your love ones have some tragic accidents."_

_"Tragic accidents?"_

_"Maybe I'll start with the medical examiner, and then your partner. I'll save Castle as the fall guy. By then I'll make sure that there has been enough evidence fabricated to point right to him. You won't say a word, because you can't. By the time Beckett finally figures it out it will be too late."_

_"Why are you here? What is it that you want me to do?"_

_"I know that there are only two ways to separate Castle and Beckett. I also know that you would never kill one of them, so obviously that option is out."_

_"What is it that you want me to do?"_

_"They are both faithful. Their loyalty to each other is the basis for their entire relationship. I need you to strip them of their loyalties. I need you to pin them against each other. Together they are unstoppable, but separately they are weak."_

_"How do you suggest that I do that?"_

_"You are going to sleep with her."_

_"Excuse me?" He nearly chokes on his own saliva._

_"An affair is the kind of betrayal that will rock their relationship to the core. It will tear them apart."_

_"Why do you want them apart so damn badly?"_

_"She has no idea that she has just walked into the lion's den. My hope is that she will never figure it out. With Castle out of the way, she won't."_

_"I'll convince her not to leave."_

_"Castle won't even be able to convince her what makes you think that you will?"_

* * *

The recording ends, and Kate stares at Rick in disbelief.

"He recorded the entire conversation?"

"I know," his face lights up, like a kid's on Christmas morning.

"No one would be that..."

He cuts her off, "Power breeds arrogance. Arrogance only leads to carelessness."

"You are telling me that this recording is authentic?"

"Yes."

"How did you get Javi to give you this?"

"I didn't. I swiped his phone from him. I found the evidence, and sent it to myself, then I deleted the text messages to myself from his phone."

"So you didn't try to interrogate him?"

"That did not work."

She arches her eyebrow, "You tried to interrogate him?" She nearly smiles at the thought.

"To no avail. I knew that something wasn't right. I know you, and I know him. I knew in my heart that neither of you would ever do something like that."

"And you are skeptical, and stubborn, and completely incorrigible."

"I refused to stop until I figured it out."

"That doesn't prove that he didn't do it," she points out.

"Why do you always have to use logic to poke holes in my stories? It is just rude. Every once in a while can't you just thank me, and tell me that I am doing a good job?"

"That is all the proof that you have?"

"Did you recognize the voice?"

"I don't know."

"I have more proof," he reveals.

"What kind of proof?"

"It's a video."

* * *

_He stares at the camera on his phone._

_"It is three thirty in the morning," Esposito narrates, turning the camera towards her._

_She begins to tug at her shirt. _

_"Beckett what are you doing?"_

_"Taking my clothes off."_

_"Why?"_

_"I told you it is hot in here."_

_"Kate leave your clothes on. What would Castle say if he walked in right now?"_

_"It's hot."_

_She tosses her shirt onto the floor. _

_"Hey leave the pants on," he advises._

_"No," they end up on the floor near her shirt. She is down to her bra and panties. He turns the camera on himself._

_"As you can see I am still fully dressed."_

_He points the camera at her, "Beckett how much have you had to drink?"_

_"Eight shots, maybe, could have been more," she answers._

_"Tequila," he adds._

_"I told you that I could drink more than you."_

_"Yes you did."_

_She begins to walk away._

_"Where are you going?"_

_"To bed."_

_"You're just going to leave me here?"_

_"You can sleep on the couch. I have to go. I have a rule about leaving with my clothes on."_

_"I don't think that you're following it. Watch out for your shoes," he warns._

_She trips, and lands on the floor. She lays there for a few seconds, and doesn't even attempt to get up._


	20. Ties That Bind

"I woke up on the floor the next morning," she recalls.

"I know."

"Right where he left me."

"I don't think that anything happened."

"Did you ask Javi?"

"He must believe whoever threatened the lives of the people that he cares about."

"I would like to see someone pin a murder on you."

"He wouldn't say who it is."

"You have a theory?"

"Just that it is someone with connections."

"Like who?"

"I wish that I knew. Esposito is a good cop. He is a good guy do you really think that he orchestrated this plan on his own? Do you think he would have evidence to prove his innocence and not share it, if there wasn't another party involved? He is smart."

"Castle if all of your outlandish theories are true what does that mean for us?" she asks the question directly.

"I don't know," he admits.

"You keep showing up here, like you're expecting something to happen. Castle I love you, but I can't put you through this."

"It's too late to consider my feelings now, don't you think?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"Whether we end up together, or not you have to accept the fact that I'm not going anywhere. I am always going to be around. I am always going to be a part of your life. We are going to have a child together."

"I know."

"And that scares you, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"No matter what happens between us, or where we end up we are always going to be tied to each other."

"How do we make this work? Everything is such a mess."

"We have to do whatever is best for our child."

"Our child," she repeats in a hushed tone. Her hand floats to her abdomen without a second thought. Her eyes fall on the man sitting at the table next to her. He smiles in the face of uncertainty. It reminds of why she fell in love with him in the first place. Her mind wonders as her eyes slowly transition to her stomach. Under her borrowed t-shirt it is impossible to see any change in appearance. Yet she still knows that it's real. All of this is real.

The upheaval, and the downfalls, and everything in between, it always leads back to him. She thinks about the child growing inside of her. An unborn baby who she feels completely, and totally unprepared for. A child who she should have known the origins of simply based on the uncanny ability to show up at the worst possible time, just like Rick. He always shows up at the worst possible time, right when she needs him.

Without a word she scoots her chair away from the table. He watches her as she leaves the room, but he doesn't say anything. A few moments later she returns from her bedroom. She stops in front of the table. She stares at what's in her hand for a brief moment, before she looks at Castle. She smiles at him.

"There is something that I want to show you," she tells him.

He nods, and she places the pictures in front of him. She lays them out on the table. He studies each one of them carefully, as if he is committing them to memory. Her glance finds it way to the most recent picture of her unborn child. Without a single word she approaches him. She takes a seat on her chair, and pulls it closer to him, and looks at the pictures with him. He points to one of the pictures as he smiles widely.

"Can you believe that we did that?"

"No," she admits.

"I am sorry that I was so insensitive when we were talking about having kids."

"You? I was the one who was insensitive. I told you that I would 'let' you have a dog. Castle I didn't mean it like that. You are a grown man, and you can do whatever you want. I have a tendency to say, and do really stupid things when I'm scared."

"I know that. I should have considered that might have mixed emotions about this."

"What makes you say that?" she queries.

"Your entire adult life has been focused on justice. You live for your career. Getting married, having a family that is scary for anyone. You have been alone for so long that I think, and maybe I am completely of base here, but just maybe you're afraid of having something to lose. Before it was always just you. You were the only person that you had to worry about, but that isn't true anymore. Change is scary, for anyone."

"I never pictured this. I never pictured being pregnant, or having a child, even though it was something that I wanted."

"Why didn't you ever say that?"

"I don't like letting people in."

"I am not going to hurt you."

"I just didn't want anyone to judge me. As a single female detective what would people say if I had announced that I wanted to have a child? Until recently none of this was anything more than just a dream."

"You never once considered that you could tell me?"

"So much of our relationship has been dictated by timing. There was never a good time to tell you. I thought I would just wait until you brought it up."

"I didn't want to push you. I tried to respect your feelings, your boundaries, but I couldn't wait forever."

"That's okay."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Mad at you, for what?" she furrows her brow.

"Esposito said that you were pissed at me, when you thought that I was responsible for you getting pregnant."

"You are responsible."

"And you were pissed."

"It doesn't matter now."

He brushes stray strands of hair off her face. She stares at him with dark circles under her eyes. She looks more tired than he remembers. Her chin quivers.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she lies as she tries to stave off the tears.

"Are you tearing up?"

"No!"

"You are."

"We're going to have a baby," she reminds him, "It's just a lot."

"I know," he smiles.

She places her finger on one of the black and white images, "That is our baby."

"Who even looks good in black and white."

"In a way, I am a little glad you haven't been around."

"That is harsh."

"I cried after a laundry detergent commercial the other day. I know you never would have let me live that down."

"You're pregnant. You are hormonal. I would never harass you for crying."

She shoots him a questioning look, "It's because I have a gun, and you're afraid of me, isn't it?"

"I would prefer not to answer that question."

"How do you intend on getting Esposito to admit to any of this?" Kate changes the question.

"I'm not, that's your job."

She slides off her chair, and begins walking away. He calls after her, "Where are you going?"


	21. Professional Interrogation

"To get dressed," she answers.

"And then what?"

"Go interrogate Javi."

He's sitting on his couch, playing Madden, when someone begins pounding on his door. He pauses his game, and vacates his seat.

"I'm coming," he calls as he moves towards the door.

He checks the peephole. He finds a very angry looking former NYPD homicide detective standing outside his door. He unlocks the door, and pulls it open.

"Beckett, what are you doing here?"

Castle smiles, "Since my interrogation was unsuccessful I asked for someone with a little more expertise to get to the bottom of this."

"Can we come in?" Beckett questions.

"Yeah," Esposito nods, folding his arms across his chest.

Beckett enters the apartment first, Castle enters, and closes the door. Esposito moves towards his couch. He points.

"Why don't you guys have a seat? I'll grab you something to drink."

Kate wears a stern look as she shakes her head, "Javi take a seat," she insists.

He takes a seat on the arm of the couch. He looks to his former partner, "What's going on?"

"I got the DNA results back," she reveals.

"I thought that it was too early for DNA," he admits.

"No."

"So what did it say?"

"You're the father," she answers, bluffing.

"What?!" he cocks an eyebrow.

Castle hands her a manila envelope. She reaches inside and pulls out a piece of paper, and hands it to Esposito. He studies the paper, and looks at her.

"I never gave you a sample," he points out.

"I had Ryan get one for me," she lies.

"So you're telling me that the baby you're carrying is mine?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Unbelievable," he shakes his head.

"Why is it so unbelievable?"

"It's not unbelievable, it's impossible," he admits.

Kate cocks an eyebrow, "Impossible? How so? Is there something that you want to tell me, Javi?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"'Sito we know."

He swallows hard, "Know what?"

"I have the recording from your meeting with the blackmailer. I have the video from the night that you went over to Kate's apartment."

"Tell me the truth, Javi. What really happened?" Kate begs.

He looks her in the eyes. He exhales, and then begins, "Nothing."

"Nothing happened?"

"Nothing happened. I never thought for a second that either one of you would believe that it did. I hoped that you would figure all of this out before everything hit the fan. With you in D.C., and Castle here, it didn't go the way I wanted it to. I didn't mean to cause such a rift between the two of you."

Castle speaks up, "We know why you did it."

"You have to believe that I never meant to hurt anyone. I just felt like I didn't have a choice," he looks to Kate, "I knew if I told you that you would never go along with it. I was afraid if I told Castle he couldn't keep quiet. I knew that neither one of you would willingly betray the other. I had to do it to keep you guys safe."

"Kate didn't remember because nothing happened."

Esposito nods, "I couldn't do it. I couldn't destroy your relationship."

"But you nearly did," Kate points out.

"I am sorry I never meant for any of this to happen, but I didn't have much of a choice."

"Who is the blackmailer? Kate probes.

Javi shrugs, "I can't tell you that."

"Why not?" Castle cocks an eyebrow.

"Because they won't hesitate to kill you," Javier reveals.

"They? What do you mean, they?" Kate quizzes.

"This goes far deeper than any of us ever thought. These people are powerful, you can't bring them down with one blow."

"We have to do something," Castle argues.

"Javi I am going to have a baby, I can't have something like this hanging over my head."

"Then I suggest that you walk away. Leave D.C., and come back to NYPD. Stop looking into your mother's case. Stop digging. You have to let it go."

Her nostrils flare, and her voice raises, "Let it go? You just expect me to let it go?"

"If you don't you are going to end up dead."

"I..."

Castle cuts her off, "Is it really worth it? Kate I know how much catching your mother's killer means to you, but at what cost? Are you really willing to sacrifice everything for that? What about our child?"

Her anger quickly morphs into guilt, "I don't know how to let go of this," she tells him, with a pained expression on her face.

Javier speaks up, "Don't let it go, just put it away, for now. Give it time. Let this rest for a while. When the time is right we will catch these guys, but now is not the time."

"I just want to put this to bed. I don't want to have to worry about someone coming after me, or my child. I want this over with."

Castle turns to her, "I know that this has been a lot to handle. I understand if you want some time alone right now."

"Yeah, is there anyone at your place right now?"

"No. Alexis is at school, and mother is working on a play. You can have the place to yourself. I'll catch up with you in a while. I just want to talk to Javi, for a little bit."

"Okay," she agrees.

They watch her as she turns to head for the door. Castle waits for the door to close before he reinitiates the conversation. Once he's certain that she's gone he turns to Javier.

"What do you know?"

"Too much. Castle I have done a lot of digging. I know who most of the pawns in this game are. I think with a little help I could get all of them."

"How are we going to protect her?"

"You worry about that, and I will worry about catching these bastards, okay?"

"Do you need my help?"

"You're too close to her. I don't want this to come back on either one of you. I'll have Ryan help me."


	22. Forced Answers

After a brief phone conversation detailing her location Castle finally catches up with Beckett. He takes a seat across the table from her, at a familiar location. He furrows his brow.

"Why are we here?"

"I just wanted to be somewhere that it was quiet, where I could think," she admits in a hushed tone.

"The library is a good place for that."

"I feel like everything is upside down, and inside out. Rick, I don't know what to do."

"About what?"

She takes a deep breath, and decides to reveal the truth to him, "I want to come home."

His lips creep into a smile, "Okay."

"I am not sure that I am ready to, though."

His smile instantly disappears, "What do you mean?"

"Working for the attorney general's office is an amazing opportunity. I don't know if another opportunity like this is going to come up again."

"So what are you saying?"

"I feel conflicted."

"You are the only one who can decide what the best option is. Kate I can't tell you what to do, even if I want to."

"Why does this have to be so damn hard?"

"Because it's life."

"Why does this have to be happening now? It could not be worse timing."

"The fallout from what you thought happened between you, and Espo? Kate don't worry about it. We will take care of it. You should focus on your job, and..."

She cuts him off, "That's not what I meant," she explains, with a pained expression on her face.

"What did you mean?"

"As terrible as it sounds, and as awful as it makes me sound, I meant..." she trails off.

He nods, in understanding, "You meant the baby."

"I feel so guilty for feeling this way, but..."

"Are you saying that you don't want the baby?"

"No, that isn't what I am saying at all."

"So what are you saying?"

"When we talked about having a family, this was what I was talking about. What I am feeling right now is what I didn't want. I feel guilty for not wanting to give up the job, and move back to New York. I feel conflicted because I really wanted this job."

"Kate I'm not asking you to give it up."

"It's demanding, there is no way that I can do it, and have a baby too."

"Are you afraid that you are going to resent the baby?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"I will make this easy for you, then," he begins.

"Easy? What are you talking about?"

"I absolve you."

"Absolve me, of what?"

"Your responsibilities. If you don't want to be a parent, no one is going to force you to be. Kate I think that I have been pretty damn understanding about this whole situation," the vein in his forehead pulsates.

"What are you telling me?"

"If you feel that you can't do both, then don't. I will gladly raise the baby, our baby, on my own."

"I am not asking you to do that."

"How are you going to make it work any other way, if you don't want to leave D.C.? Who is going to watch the baby while you are working? You can't expect me to allow a nanny to raise my child while you are out there, somewhere, chasing down bad guys."

"Why does everything turn into an argument with you, lately?"

"Because no matter what you want, or you feel, I want to be a parent. I am trying to do whatever is in the best interest of my child."

She raises her voice, "And you think that I'm not?"

"I think that you are too damn caught up in chasing dreams, and rabbits down rabbit holes to see what is important."

"I cannot believe that you just said that."

"It's true."

"You are talking about me chasing dreams? Castle your entire life is based on fiction."

"I just thought that I knew you better than this."

"Than what?!"

"I never thought that you would abandon your child."

"I'm not. I never said that I was. You twisted what I said into that. I didn't say that I don't want the baby. I didn't say that I don't want to be a parent. I thought that I could trust you. I thought that I could tell you how I am feeling. I believed I could share my uncertainties, my insecurities with you, but obviously that isn't true. Clearly you are going to use whatever I say against me. You are not at all who I thought you were."

"Me? I didn't sleep with Javi."

"Neither did I!"

"You put yourself in a vulnerable situation."

"I am sorry."

"Regardless of whether you slept with him, or not, you still crossed a line."

"I know that, and I am sorry. How long are you going to make me pay for this mistake? Are you ever going to forgive me?"

"Kate, I don't know. I wish I could tell you that I am ready to forgive you, but I'm not. I really want to. I really want to make this work for our unborn child, but maybe it's not possible."

"I think that we're at an impasse here."

"Yeah," he nods in agreement.

"So now, what?"

"I'll talk to my lawyer, and we can try to arrange some kind of custody agreement."

"Your lawyer, Rick that isn't necessary. I am never going to prevent you from seeing your child. You should know that."

"We are on really different pages here," he points out.

"We are out of sync, but I think that calling your lawyer is a bit hasty."

"I am not going to let you raise my child in another city by yourself. It's just not going to happen."

"Excuse me? Is this you trying to force me to move back to New York?"

"This is me telling you that I expect to see my child every single day, and if you think that it will some other way, you're wrong."


	23. Contemptable

"Your child? It is my child too. I am not going to let you make me out to be the villain here. I am not going to let you take my child from me. I don't know how you think that our child belongs solely to you. I am not going to let you steamroll me. I an not walking away from my child, and I am not letting you take her, either. I am willing to compromise, but you can't just take her from me. She is mine, too. I will do whatever it takes to give her the type of childhood that she deserves. I am not okay with her splitting time between two cities, flying back and fourth all of the time, or her staying with you full time. That just isn't going to happen."

His eyes widen. She looks at him in confusion as his lips draw into a smile. She furrows her brow.

"Why the hell are you smiling?" She questions him, with her cheeks burning in anger.

"You said that you felt conflicted. You weren't sure that you wanted to leave the attorney general's office," he recounts.

"So?"

"I think you just made a decision about what you want," he points out.

"Oh," her eyes fall from his face. She casts her glance downward, towards her stomach, which is concealed under her loose fitting t-shirt. She exhales, and tries to regain her composure.

"I know that in the past few minutes of conversation I have sounded rather contemptible, and I apologize. I just didn't know another way to get you to see what I see."

"Which is what?"

"Job, or no job, you are going to do whatever is necessary to protect our child, and give her the best life possible."

"You went about it the worst way possible."

"I absolutely agree."

"Why would you threaten to take her?"

"The story of King Solomon."

"Cut the baby in half?"

"Exactly."

"You meant what you said," she calls him out.

"Absolutely. I fully intend to see my child every day."

"You just expect me to quit my job to bend to your will?"

"No. That would be rather insensitive of me. I know how much the job means to you."

"So how do you think we are going to make this work?"

"If I have to move to D.C. to be with my child every day, then that is what I will do."

"What about Alexis?"

"Alexis is an adult, and D.C. is not that far away."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Are you?"

"I need some time to think."

"Okay," he agrees, scooting his chair away from the table.

"Where are you going?"

"To give you time, and some space. I don't want to smother you."

She says nothing as she watches him walk away.

* * *

Jim slides into the booth, at a diner. He looks across the table, and finds his daughter. She stares back at him with dark circles under her eyes, a look of confliction, and a heavy heart. He stares at the cup of coffee on the table in front of him. He looks in her direction, and sees nothing more than a glass of water.

"Katie, what's going on? I didn't know that you were in town. When you called me out of the blue, and asked me to meet you here, I got a little concerned."

"I need to talk to you."

"I'm all ears. Can I ask you something first?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"No coffee?"

"I'll get to that in a minute," she insists.

"What's wrong?"

"Why does something have to be wrong for me to call you?"

He shrugs, "I don't know, why don't you tell me?"

"I am sorry that I have been so distant lately."

"Lately? Katie even before you moved to D.C. you were distant."

"And, I'm sorry."

"What are we doing here?"

"I have made such a mess of everything, and I don't know what to do."

"So you came to me?"

"Yeah," she nods, as she plays with her engagement ring.

"Is this about Rick?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"You're having second thoughts about getting married to him?"

"I don't know if we are ever going to get married," she reveals.

"Ever? What happened?"

"We're not together anymore," she adds.

"So why are you still wearing the ring that he gave you?"

"I keep asking myself that, and the only answer that I can come up with, is that I keep hoping we will get back together."

"You just said you didn't think that was going to happen, ever."

"It probably won't."

"What happened?"

"I lost his trust, and probably his respect, too."

"What did you do?"

"It doesn't matter," she insists.

"Obviously it was a game changer if you two aren't together anymore."

"I thought that things would get better with time, but they haven't."

"How could they? You can't put distance between your problems and just expect them to vanish."

"I know that, now."

"Katie, why are we here?"

"I need your help."

"Help? You haven't needed my help in a long time."

"I need it now."

"Okay, what do you need? Money?"

"I need you to tell me what to do."

"Tell me what the problem is."

"I am pregnant."

"Oh. That's the problem?"

She shakes her head, "No, that isn't the problem. The problem is that I live in DC, and I have a job that I love, and Rick is here. How am I supposed to make that work? I don't want to leave DC, or give up the job, and it is unfair to expect him to move to D.C."

"Katie you don't need my help. You already know the answer to that question."


End file.
